Page 21 of Skin Deep

Chapter7

Gigi

The yacht lurched underneath my feet. The watery world below was as unsteady as I was.

I staggered and tilted with the motion of the waves and the wind fighting against me. The yellow silk robe that I’d worn to bed fluttered like delicate petals about to be torn from their center.

A sunflower. I imagined the petals being ripped—a violent end—without a wish being granted as it was sacrificed.

I clutched my book tighter to my chest. The journal my Nonno encouraged me to write in.

It held all my secrets.

For a woman like me, they were worth more than the average ones. When I had secrets, I had to bury them deep, or they would be sold to the highest bidder, then mass produced with a price tag of a couple of dollars a copy.

If the world only knew the truth behind these confident—or as the media called them, “killer”—eyes, they wouldn’t be so quick to judge and condemn. I wasn’t the coldhearted seductress they made me out to be. I was as vulnerable as any other woman.

Mamma always said that every woman faces a mirror with two faces. I recognized both of mine with every reflection. The silent one that stared back at me, and the screeching one that reminded me of all my insecurities.

It was the loudest voice in my head, especially at night. I wanted to drown it out. Shut it up.

Nonno always said, “Beauty grows beauty, Georgina.” He’d touched my heart. “That’s where beauty stems from—from root to leaf.”

I wasn’t beautiful inside. I was full of sadness, of loneliness, of...ache, but my shell hid it all. Hidmebehind this facade.

Pausing my steps as the yacht rolled with a powerful swell, I rocked from side to side. I wiped my face with my free hand, mascara smearing on my palm. It must have been streaking down my cheeks like dark spiderwebs. The salt of my tears stuck to my face from the whipping of the wind. Even though it was a warm summer night, I shivered.

The robe billowed open, exposing my bare skin. Sliding one arm and then the other out of the silk, I allowed the wind to snatch it, but I kept the journal pressed against the center of my chest.

With careful steps, I moved closer and closer to the bow. It was smashing into the waves, crashing against them in sprays that seemed to touch my face from where I stood, but the yacht was still traveling fast.

Laughter drifted from behind me. I turned my head a fraction. My hair slapped my face and invaded my eyes, but through the strands I could see the dark shadow of a man, and the man and woman he’d brought along to share me with. They were all naked. He stood in the companionway, all three sharing the same smoke.

A distressed sound seemed to come from somewhere close—it was from me. I turned my face away, feeling so worthless. Even my skin felt too tight to belong to my body.

My entire life felt…wrong.

It wasn’t supposed to be this way.

The sadness,even when I’m smiling.

The loneliness,even in a room full of people.

The ache,even when numbness settles deep beneath my skin and hits bone.

The cold clung to my lungs, making my throat feel tight, and I sucked in a trembling breath. My chest hurt from my heart beating so hard.

Three more steps.

Two.

One.

My hand automatically went for the metal railing on the bow pulpit as we dipped and rode the wave. When I was able to steady myself again, I stood straight and closed my eyes. I heard my Nonno’s voice in my ear.

“You are not your thoughts, Georgina.”

I felt him hand me the journal, then, taking my arms and securing them against my chest, he set it over my heart, making me hold it close.

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