Page 91 of Skin Deep

Chapter28

Gigi

The day was overcast and cold. It was hard to tell what time it was because of it. It felt like late morning, but it could have been much later. We had one of the rooms in the house with an ocean view. The moody light coming in through the glass seemed to coat us and the inside of the room like paint.

Sometimes it amazed me how nature seemed to take what was inside of me—moods—and bring them to life. Even though the day hadn’t even started and nothing had happened yet, I woke up feeling overcast. Light remained, but it felt bogged down, like it couldn’t break through. The cold only added to the melancholy, and so did the harsh waves crashing into the shore.

Harrison was still asleep beside me. He was not a hard sleeper, so I was surprised he didn’t stir when I slipped out of bed and headed for the picture window. I set my hand against it to gauge the temperature. As cold as the air around me.

I’d fallen asleep naked but had slipped on his sweatshirt sometime before the sun came up. The chill felt like it had reached my bones. I tucked my hand into the long sleeves, trying to slip further into a cocoon to protect myself from it. My legs were bare, and goosebumps puckered my skin. I thought of going to grab the warm, soft pants Harrison had gotten for me, but I let the air burn me.

Maybe it would burn some of the fog away and I would feel a little better.

It had nothing to do with Harrison. Or where my feet were, or even where I was in my life. I knew I had so much to look forward to. A life most would want to live. But it did not lessen the weights in my mind, and how I felt because of them. Sometimes for no reason. Sometimes it took a couple of days like this one to add up to the dark days, even when the sun was out.

Those times, that was when it felt like nature was mocking me.

Two seagulls made a circle in the sky, hovering over the water below. Maybe looking for something to eat. I breathed in deep. Someone was cooking breakfast. I should have gotten dressed and went out to see if whoever was cooking needed my help. But I was not ready to face anyone yet. The little bubble Harrison and I were in felt like a shelter. My secret was safe with him, and I didn’t have to pretend.

My hand went to the necklace around my neck and—wait.I hadn’t worn any jewelry to bed. I hadn’t taken any with me—not to New York.

My index finger and thumb grasped it, stroking it to make out the shape. The pendent on the end was small. A sunflower. I pulled it away some, looking down at it. The ray florets were gold and bronze, and the center was a canary yellow diamond, which was supposed to be the disc florets. It was dainty but striking. When I let it fall against my chest, that was when I noticed the ring on my left hand, ring finger.

The radiant-cut diamond in the center matched the diamond in the center of the necklace—canary yellow. It was as bright as the sun, set into a halo of diamonds, two trillion-cut diamonds on each side. It caught the moody light and gleamed like the sun breaking through gray clouds.

My eyes flew to Harrison. He was still asleep. He hadn’t even stirred.

Tears streamed down my cheeks when I realized he’d set the necklace on me and slipped the ring on my finger while I slept. I didn’t want to wake him. This moment felt like mine. It felt like my next million breaths, and it looked like my future.

I thought I’d found the courage to end it all. There was no fear. Only peace when I thought of not existing, of setting down my burdens and being free. But Harrison showed me what true courage looked like. It looked like waking up to overcast weather but still trying to find the sun in every day.

I covered my face, sobbing silently into my hands. My entire body shook from the rush of feelings.

How close I was to…never experiencing this.

Augustus whined and I removed my hands, looking down. He wagged his tail. I sat on the floor with him, hugging him around the neck, letting him lick my tears. I watched out of the window as the waves crashed into the shore. The seagulls had landed and were making prints in the sand.

A lone figure standing on the beach caught my attention. My breath caught when I realized who it was. Amadeo. He wore a peacoat that was open, a black sweater, and black slacks. I quickly set my hair in a bun, switched out the sweatshirt for a thick, long-sleeved sweater, and pulled on fleece-lined tights. I added the sweatshirt again with a scarf and boots. As I grabbed for the leash and my cellphone, I saw that I had a missed text from him.

Time to talk.

Augustus followed behind me as I left the room. I shut the door quietly so it wouldn’t wake Harrison, though I’d never seen him so tired before. I hesitated outside of it, wondering if I should go back in. But I decided to let him sleep. He worked a lot, and there was a lot going on.

The kitchen was filled with people. Keely was cooking. Her husband sat close to the windows with a cup of coffee in his hand, watching as the waves rolled in and out. Lachlan sat on the sofa, running his fingers over the strings of a wooden guitar.

Declan sat at the counter, watching his sister. When he noticed me, he looked at my left hand, then pretended to cover his eyes, like the sun was too bright. He smiled and I returned it, then kissed him on the cheek. He pretended to almost fall off the stool. When I laughed, the entire room looked at me, then went back to doing what they were doing.

“Going somewhere, G?” Lachlan said, starting to play the beginning of a song on the guitar. His eyes were down, and when he turned them up to look at me, I noticed that his eyes were a little darker than Harrison’s, but still cut from the same slab of marble.

“My cousin is here,” I said, pointing outside.

He looked over his shoulder, in the direction I had come from, like he was expecting his brother to be there. He turned back to me. “Your man’s still sleeping?”

“Sì,” I said.

His forehead creased. He went to open his mouth but shut it when Mari appeared. It seemed like she was coming from the direction of Keely’s room. Our eyes met for a brief second before she noticed Augustus. She tried to call him, but he refused to move from my side.

The room seemed to grow quiet until Lachlan started to sing the song to go with the melody he was creating. His sister joined in with him while Mari met her at the stove.

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