Page 127 of Collision

And I feel like my lungs are collapsing without her.

Mikaela

“I can’t do this.” I choke on my fear. “I shouldn’t have come in.”

Max’s hand tightens around my fingers as the elevator doors split open and I stare up at him.

“Max, I want to go.”

“No.” He doesn’t elaborate. He simply pulls me through the doors and to my desk as Ben pushes himself out of his office and straight towards me.

“Mik. Can we talk?”

“No.” Max is firm with him as he stands between us and I sink into my seat. “Back away, Blue. She needs space and this isn’t the time or place.”

“Kingford, please. Get out of the way.”

“Ben.” I can’t look at him. “Not here.”

“Then where, Mikaela?” Ben doesn’t move closer. He lets Max shield me with his body and my heart is hammering in my chest. “Where and when? Because we need to talk. I need to talk, Mik. Please.”

I look over my shoulder and my stomach drops. People are staring, eyes wide and lips pressed behind hands as they lean over desks to whisper to their friends.

People are talking.

“I don’t know.” My throat is closing.

“Talk to me, Mik.” He pushes around Max this time, shaking him off as a hand wraps around his arm to pull him back, and crouches beside my chair. He spins me quickly, forcing me to look at him, away from the eyes that are watching us and my heart stutters. “Tell me how to fix this.”

“Please don’t make me do this here.” I whisper and his fingers brush over my cheek, wiping away the strength I am clinging to for dear life.

“Don’t do it at all.”

“I have to, Ben.”

His eyes - so blue and inviting, so calm and warming - are glued to mine, and I watch as his own strength shatters into a million pieces. His tears fall quickly as he shakes his head, holding me gently when I wrap my hands around his fingers and remove his hold on me.

“We’re over, Ben.”

Pain. I just see pain.

“No. No, Mik. We can fix this.”

His hands are clinging to my chair now and I close my eyes. Every single fibre of my being wants to wrap around him and hold him. Every single aching pit of my soul craves and calls for him. My chest caves as I speak and his whispered pleas seep into my skin.

“We don’t work, Ben. When there’s no one around us - when there’s nothing else - we work. But that’s not reality.”

“Mik, please don’t do this.”

“We don’t exist in this reality. We never did.”

“We can.” He places his head in my lap, his hands clinging to my thighs and I am hurting. This is hurting. “I want you, Mik. I love you. We can fix this.”

“There’s nothing to fix, Ben. I don’t want you.”

I feel him leave. I feel the pressure of his hands leave my chair and the air shift around me. I feel as Max moves to my side and wraps around me. And I feel the stares. I feel every single knife of their whispers and every single pointed look.

Once I could feel nothing, now I feel it all.

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