Page 56 of Collision

“I’m fine.” I fight the urge to throw my coffee cup at him for being so blatantly obvious.

That’s more like it. This snappy, short response is a return to normality between us. But as Ben watches me carefully, as if I might fall apart any minute now, and my frustration gives way to a short burst of something different - something heated and delicious and altogether terrifying - Jamie grunts.

“What’s go-”

“We’re here.” I interrupt, pointing ahead so that Ben will turn away from me and Jamie will stop talking.

Thereisastillnessin the air as the three of us make our way down the winding path across the green. Although birds take flight overhead and the sky is clear and blue, there is pressure in the atmosphere. Our footfall feels heavy and the silence that hangs over us all is suffocating.

I feel Jamie’s hand wrap around mine, squeezing gently, and I take a deep breath as I stop at the edge of the pathway.

“This way,” I nod my head to the left as I step onto the grass and begin making my way through the stones.

I listen to Ben as he takes in a deep breath and steps after me.

In five years I’ve never allowed him this close. I’ve never let him come to her. I’ve never let him mourn her.

Five Years Ago

“Jamie, pick up. Just pick up.”

I sink down the wall and curl in to myself as doctors pass in the otherwise empty corridor.I stare at the floor, watching the flickering of the florescent lighting overhead in the polished surface.I wonder how often floors have to be cleaned in a place like this; where blood and urine and other fluids probably make cleaning a tiring, thankless job.

As I hear the familiar sound of my call being patched through to voicemail again I splinter and fray at the seams. My chest burns as I choke on strangled sobs and palm at my face in a desperate attempt to push my tears back in, my mother’s words echoing in my mind.

She wants Jamie.

She has beenbeggingfor Jamie.

“You’re through to Jamie Wilcox. I can’t get to the phone right now, but leave your name and number and I’ll get back to you as soon as I can.”

“Jamie, where are you?” I whisper as my throat tightens. “It’s Mom. Jamie, you need to get here. Please. I - I can’t do this without you and…” I suck in a shaking breath as I pull the phone away from my face and close my eyes. I bring my head to the wall; hitting once, then twice, then three times. I bring the phone back to my ear. “I don’t know how long she’s got left in her, Jamie, and I’m all alone here. Matthew - Matthew couldn’t come with me and I need you. I know we haven’t spoken in a while but I need you, JimJam. I need my brother. Please.”

As I sob, I let the phone drop from my hand and I pull my knees to my chest, making myself as small as I can.

Waves pull me under, my body shaking violently, and I break over and over again.

Ben

“Okay, so that’s the last stitch.” The doctor pulls off the latex gloves and rubs her eyes before turning to the bin. “The police are outside. They want to talk to you, but I can give you a minute to check on your friend.”

“Thanks.” I press my fingers against my forehead, the sting fresh across my brow. I should have let her give me something to numb the area first. “Is he okay?”

“He’s back from radiology. I can’t tell you anything else.” She frowns as she watches me roll my sleeves, my own blood staining my white shirt.

“Okay, Doc.” I huff. “Out with it.”

“What do you mean?” Her eyes don’t quite meet mine when she glances up from where she’s scribbling down notes on a chart, but I can see what she’s thinking anyway.

“I mean you’re giving me a look that suggests you have an opinion you’d like to share.”

“Not my place,” she mutters.

I want to laugh as I watch her, but I know it’s not the time. She’s young. A resident maybe? And she’s tired. Her hair is tied back in a shock of red and her scrubs are crumpled. She’s definitely at the end of a long shift.

“Listen, I’m guessing you’ve had one hell of a shift and you’ve probably spent most of it biting your tongue because you never know how a patient will react if you give them a piece of your mind. Right?”

She rolls her eyes and continues to ignore me.

---