Page 91 of Forever Love

Leigh

I’m tired of people. I’m tired of being touched, hugged, and fawned over. I’m tired of everything. These last two weeks have been a crock of shit, and I’m over it. Over being treated like a fragile, helpless person who might break at any second.

I’m not going to break. I’m a fighter. A fucking warrior. Unlike my mother. She was always weak. She gave up. She walked out. And that is what pisses me off even more. All these well-wishers and people bringing food. Give it a day or two, and they’ll all be gone. They don’t actually fucking care.

It just drives home the point that everyone leaves eventually.Everyone. Everyone has a limit, and once it’s reached, they’ll walk away. I don’t know if my mother ever had a limit, but if she did, it wasn’t very high.

Again, I’m tired of people. Tired of letting them in, of having faith that they won’t just give up. I mean, even the most strong-willed around me have done it. Or would. Even Maia would’ve given up and walked away from Braden if she had to. What would it take for her to leave me? For anyone to? It’s too much. Too much to rely on someone else. You’ll only get your heart crushed. I’ve had it proven to me time and time again.

When we get to the apartment door, I unlock it, then swing it open, but only halfway. I need a fucking break.

“I need to be alone tonight,” I say to Nick, who almost collides with me as he tries to walk through the door.

His brow furrows. “I know you’re hurting but—”

“I don’t need you to take care of me! I’m a big girl. I can handle myself. I can sleep alone. I don’t need you to wrap me in your arms in order to survive.” The hurt in his eyes is inescapable, but I push past it. He’ll get over it.

“You’re one of the strongest people I know. I’m not trying to save you or be your hero. I just want to be here for you.”

“Well, I don’t need you here! I need a break. You can’t fix this for me!”

“I’m not trying to!” I’m a little surprised that he’s yelling back. It would be sexy if everything inside of me wasn’t burning with anger. “You gave me shit when I walked away at Harper’s party. I made a promise to myself that I was never going to do that again.”

“Even if I ask you to? So much for having any autonomy over my own life! If you really love me, you need to respect that I need time alone. I need space!”

“Space? Time alone is one thing, but that doesn’t sound like what you’re saying. What the fuck do you mean space?”

“I mean leave! I don’t want you here. I need time away from you and everyone else. If you love me, then you need to give me that.”

He stares at me, pain flowing out of every pore, but I double down, arms crossed over my chest. He needs to get the freaking point.

Finally, he nods once. He leans in and kisses my cheek. I bristle at the sensation. If I feel any more of his touch, I’ll give it all up, throw myself at him, let him be the hero I always pretend he isn’t to me. But I can’t.

“I’ll respect your space, but I’m still going to text you. I’m still going to be ready to drive here in the middle of the night if you want me. I’m still yours, no matter how much space you put between us. I love you.”

When I don’t say anything, he lets out a sigh and makes his way down the hall toward the elevator.

Pissed at myself, but relieved to finally be alone for the first time in two weeks, I walk inside the apartment.

After a long, hot shower, during which I rage-screamed the lyrics to many angry songs, I throw on my comfiest sweatpants and a tank top and make my way back out to the kitchen. Knowing my great-aunties, they’re trying to keep Abuelita as busy as possible to distract her. I wouldn’t be surprised if they keep her at their hotel overnight.

Noticing the pile of mail on the counter that we’ve been adding to for well over a week without looking at it, I decide it’s time to go through it. Something to take my mind off everything else. Because I’m already regretting how I talked to Nick. I should probably call him, but I’m going to wait a little bit longer. I want to be as calm as possible before I talk to him.

I sit down on a stool and grab the pile. Junk mail, mostly. There are a couple of bills that I make a note to pay on Monday if Abuelita hasn’t yet. I’ve never seen Abuelita like this before, and I don’t know how to help. I’m not sure I can. So, I’m just going to try to make sure everything extra is taken care of. As I get to the bottom of the pile, I see what looks to be a letter. Addressed to me. As my eyes flit to the return address, my stomach goes cold.

It’s from my mother.

Looking at the postmark date, she must’ve sent it the day before she…

Fuck.

I rise from my chair and stare at the letter like it might burn me if I touch it. But then… I grab it anyway and tear it open, my eyes scanning the words.

Leigh,

My beautiful girl. Your grandmother mentioned you hadn’t read my last letter. I don’t know if you’ll read this one. But I had to send it to you. I’m finally ready to come home! After finishing rehab—

My hand drops.Rehab?She was in rehab? What the hell?

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