Page 19 of Forever Love

“But we’re all still here, Brade. We’ve been here.”

“But you had moved onto Vince, who I was barely speaking to. I knew Leigh would’ve been fine with me rotting in the gutter, and Nick… he was back and forth with me about everything. And then I felt like Harper was being ripped away from me, and it was the final straw.”

My heart cracks. That was everything I didn’t want him to feel. “I’m sorry. I wish that conversation had gone differently. Because I never wanted you to feel like I was taking her from you. I was just trying to protect her and hopefully get you to make a change. Either way, the thing I said about her calling someone else her dad…” I stop and shake my head, still mad at myself. Those words came out on a whim—trying to hurt him.

“Did she?” he asks.

Slowly, I nod, not wanting him to feel bad. “She called Vince ‘dada’ several times that morning. It threw me. And upset me. But over the last few days in the hospital, she’s also called Nick and Micah that, so I wouldn’t read too much into it. Every male in her life is ‘dada’ right now, except for my dad. He’s ‘pah,’” I say with a laugh. “All I kept thinking after your mom called me iswhat if she does end up calling someone else her dad?I was so scared you weren’t going to make it.”

Our eyes meet again as I fidget with my hair. Braden’s eyes go from soft to bitter.

“I never should’ve taken Harper to that party. By the time you confronted me, I knew that. I was already mad at myself. I was—”

“Spiraling?”

“Yeah. Everything hurt, and I didn’t care anymore. It didn’t feel like there was anything to care about. I just wanted the pain to stop.”

My eyes go wide.The pain to stop? Was he trying to—

“It wasn’t likethat,” he says, reading my mind. “I didn’t want to die. I just… I wanted something to numb the pain. I wanted to truly not care. I tried to drink it away. It didn’t work at first. By the time I left that party, I—I wasn’t thinking. Hell, I’m not sure how I was walking. I took my keys from Miller—”

My eyes flare. “Miller let you have your keys when you were that drunk?”

He scoffs. “Yeah. He’s sent about a thousand texts asking if I’m okay and apologizing. Apparently, he does care about something other than himself… but I don’t care about him. I haven’t responded. He’s a prick. I shouldn’t have been hanging out with him, anyway.”

“Yeah, not your best idea. But I… okay, I don’t understand you hanging out with Miller, but I understand why… it was hard for you to be around me. I’m sure seeing me with Vince isn’t easy.”

“No, it’s not.” He brushes his thumb over my hand as he speaks, voice thick with emotion. “But probably not for the reason you think. I’ve realized that I was holding onto you because you’re like my tether. You keep me grounded, pull me in the right direction. When you told me you were with Vince—well, someone else and then told me it was Vince—I felt like not only was I losing you, but I was losing the one thing that made me fight, helped me be my best self. It crushed me. When I saw you, all I saw was what I lost. I wanted to be better, to be around everyone again, for everything to be okay, but I felt like I couldn’t do that without you. I felt hopeless. Like I couldn’t find my way without you, so why bother trying?”

I inhale deeply and close my eyes. We handled all of this wrong. Maybe there was no exact right path, but there had to have been something better than what we did.

“I wish we could’ve done this better. This year has been so fucked. I’ve wavered between wanting to be friends with you and being so pissed at you I couldn’t see straight. I plowed through my anger when I saw you trying with Harper. I wanted to fix everything. We should’ve had a conversation like this a long time ago. Maybe it would’ve made things better. Maybe we could’ve actually worked through it all together.”

“I’m not convinced I would’ve been ready for that. Strong enough for that.”

“Brade, you have so much strength inside you, you just need to fight for the right reason. It has to be for yourself. It can’t be me or even Harper. You have to do it for you.”

“I know,” he breathes. “I don’t know where to start. I’m a mess. Everything else is a mess. And I owe you so many apologies and explanations, but—”

“We can’t do it all right now, and that’s okay. Just know I’m here for you, and I’m not letting you run away.”

He looks down again. “Don’t think running is in my immediate future.”

I smile at that. “Did you just crack a joke?”

He nods as emotion fills the space around us. “Look, I know it’s cliché and stupid, but I feel like I have a second chance now, and I’m not going to piss it away.Life’s too short. I came too close to actually losing everything. I want to figure out my path forward, the right way this time. I know my words probably don’t mean much anymore, but I’m going to work on changing that.”

Relief fills me. “God, I’ve been hoping you’d say that. We’re all here to help you.”

“One step at a time, right? Well, it’ll probably take a while since I can’t even walk yet.”

He cracks a smile and we both laugh a little.

“Well, at least you’re awake. That’s one step. And now I feel like I can breathe again. Maybe go home and get some rest.”

His eyebrows raise. “You haven’t been home?”

I shake my head. “No. I told you, you’re one of the most important people in my life. I didn’t step outside the hospital until after you woke up.”

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