Page 10 of Forever Love

“Comes from you and everyone else in that waiting room.”

“No,” I say, pulling her closer and running my finger across her chest, “it comes from in here. You’re one of the strongest people I know.”

She looks up at me, tears pooling her eyes, though she sniffs them back. “You’re pretty damn strong, too. And I love you.”

“I love you, too.” I exhale, feeling my chest tighten again, and glance down the hall toward Braden’s room. “Okay, I’m gonna do this.”

She gives my hand a squeeze. “Text me if you need me.”

I give her a nod and start down the hall, completely unprepared for what I’m about to see.

My biological father was only in the hospital for the night of the accident. I never saw him there. Certainly never saw my mother. I don’t even know if she died on the scene or if she died at the hospital. Still, being in a hospital, especially like this, triggers plenty of memories of that time in my life. The loss. Fear grips my heart. I don’t want to experience pain like that ever again. Yet, I’m afraid walking into his room is going to prove to me just how close I am to that. Only this pain would be markedly different. My mother knew how loved she was. But to lose Braden like this when he’s been at odds with everyone? When our relationship has been so broken. It would destroy me. I’ve spent the better part of the last few hours trying not to think that. That’s why I need to do this alone. If I fall apart, I don’t need Maia picking up my pieces. She’s holding everything together for everyone else as it is.

I pause outside his door and take a steadying breath, then I push the door open and walk in.

What I see when I step around the curtain knocks the wind out of me.

For a second, I can’t move as the pain of the last nine plus months hits me square in the chest. So many things left unsaid. So much fractured and broken.

I drop into the chair next to his bed and rest my hand over his. “So, I’m supposed to talk to you. Maybe you can hear me. Maybe you can’t. Look, I don’t know exactly what to say. I only know… you’ve gotta wake up, be okay.” My voice breaks. “Harper needs her dad. She needsyou. I can be there for her every single day, but I will never take your place. I know that from experience. When you lose a parent, it stays with you forever. No matter how much you knew them, it stays. Don’t put Harper through that.” My chest heaves and everything I was keeping inside erupts. Through sobs, I whisper, “Don’t put the rest of us through it. I don’t want to do it again. Please. Not again. I haven’t said it recently, but in my heart, it’s never changed. You’re my brother, Braden. My life is wrong without you in it. Please don’t give up. We aren’t giving up on you.”

With those final words, the emotions of this last year spill out of me in tears and sobs. With all my heart, I love Maia. I’m happier with her than I ever knew I could be. But that doesn’t change what this last year has felt like, with everything broken between Braden and me. It’s been fucked with everyone, but especially us. He and Nick tried. He and Maia were back and forth and round and round. He and I weren’t anything. I stepped back, trying to stay out of things for Maia’s sake, but I forgot about myself in the process. And then when everything happened with Maia and me… he had every right to feel betrayed. In any other situation, I’d have talked to him man to man. But I didn’t. I was hurt and pissed and trying to support Maia, and I didn’t fight for my friendship with him. And now here we are. If he doesn’t wake up… there are some things I’ll never be able to forgive myself for.

My dad didn’t know how right he was when he said I was going to explode if I kept my feelings in. The thing is, I’ve been doing it since August, trying to support everyone else. Now, here I am, a vortex of emotions, regret, fear, and pain.I want a do-over.

I rest my head against the edge of his bed and let all my emotions out, while quietly whispering, “Please keep fighting.”

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