Page 54 of Moonlit Kisses

Martin stands abruptly, knocking his chair over as we stop at the table. A grimace forms on his face as he corrects his chair, and the hostess leaves us to our evening.

“Sorry about that. I’m a little nervous.” He pulls out my chair for me to sit, but I awkwardly turn to give him a hug. I feel slightly better knowing he’s feeling nervous, too. He squeezes me tight and then pushes my chair in as I sit, then takes his own seat. “Uhm, I didn’t order any wine because I wasn’t sure if you drink wine or what you like to have.”

“Oh, that’s okay. I’ll have a beer if that’s alright?”Am I supposed to drink wine? Will he think less of me because I drink beer?

His shoulders drop and he gives me a shaky smile, running his fingers through his thick salt and pepper hair. “That’s perfectly fine.” He catches the eye of the waiter and orders two beers.

We’re both silent.

I fidget with my bracelet and peer around the restaurant awkwardly. Martin’s tearing the paper napkin to shreds as the waiter returns with our beers.

“Thank you.” He nods to the man, and I give him what I’m sure comes across as more of a grimace. Martin holds his beer up toward me, so I pick up mine. “To new beginnings.”

I tap the neck of my bottle against his. “To new beginnings.” We both take a sip. Mine is small while Martin seems to finish almost half of his bottle in one go. A small smile touches my lips. “I’m nervous, too.”

My words seem to put him somewhat at ease. “Did you go through the photos I left?”

“Yeah. It’s amazing to see Mom when she was that young. I mean, we had a few photos from when I was a baby, so she was young in those, but these … I don’t know. They seem like they’re from a different time. She looked so carefree.”

“I’d love to see those photos of you as a baby some time … uh … if you want to show them to me, that is.”

“Of course. There aren’t many, but I can show you next time. I didn’t think to bring them with me tonight.” I chuckle lightly. “It didn’t even cross my mind to return your photos. I’m sorry.” I hope he’s not angry with me for keeping them this long.

He waves me off. “Keep them as long as you like. I can probably print you a set, if you like.”

“That’d be great. If you don’t mind?” There were quite a few photos in the box. It wouldn’t be cheap to print copies.

“Not at all. Tell me about your childhood.” I guess it’s a fair question, but what will he think about the way I grew up?Will he think Mom did a terrible job?

The waiter interrupts us. “Are you ready to order?”

We glance at each other and chuckle. “My apologies. We haven’t looked at the menu. If you wouldn’t mind giving us a few more minutes? We’ll do that now.”

“No problem.” He leaves and we both study our menu.

The waiter returns after a few minutes, and we place our orders. I order the double cheeseburger with house cut Kennebec fries, the cheapest thing on the menu. While Martin orders the grilled NY steak with potato leek gratin, rainbow chard, and pan jus, the second most expensive item on the menu. I get paid once a month, so I need to be careful with how I spend my money. This meal will mean I have to be more careful for the rest of the month.

Once the waiter’s gone, Martin turns his attention back to me. “Tell me everything.” He raises his eyebrows and offers a smile.

I wrack my brain. Where do I start? What do I include? What do I leave out? I don’t want him to judge Mom harshly or think poorly of us. Glancing around me, I try to think of what to say. I don’t know why I didn’t think about this before I came tonight. Of course, he was going to ask me about my childhood and growing up. I can’t pick a spot to look at, my eyes darting everywhere as I work to gather my thoughts, but there’s too many to sort through. Maybe this was a bad idea?

Martin reaches across the table, laying his weathered hand over mine. “Perhaps that was too much. I only want to get to know you. I’m devastated I’ve missed so much of your life.” He blows out a heavy breath. His eyes, so much like my own, are full of regret.

Maybe I should ask a question of my own?

I fidget with the cardboard coaster on the table. “Do you mind if I ask you a question?”

“Of course not. As I said the other day, I’m an open book.” He gestures with his hands at the same time.

“Uhm … You … uh … seem really upset about not seeing me grow up.” I swallow. “But after Mom told you she was pregnant. You disappeared and left her to deal with the aftermath on her own. Mom left because you abandoned her and then her dad wanted her to abort me. She didn’t want to do that. She thought her only option was to run. I’m a little confused, to be honest.” I lick my dry lips and take a shaky sip of my beer.

Martin’s face falls and his shoulders slump. His eyes skate over the people around us and he runs his hands through his hair. It’s become a mess with all of his nervous attention. “I was nineteen.”

Not this. Anything but this. “She was seventeen,” I toss back.

He nods slowly. “I know. When I say I was nineteen, I say it to point out that I was a dumb kid.” He holds up his hand to stop me from interrupting. “Nicole was always too good for me. Even though she was two years younger than me, she was far more mature.” He takes another drink of his beer, draining it. He draws in a deep breath and blows it out. “I did. I disappeared. I’m not proud of my behavior. She came to me crying that she’d missed her period, so she took a pregnancy test. When she showed me the white stick with two pink lines. Well … let’s just say I didn’t handle it well.” He draws in a deep breath and rubs his hands down his face. “I blamed her. Shouted at her.” He shakes his head. “I’m embarrassed to tell you I cussed her out. Told her she was ruining my life and walked away.” He rests his elbow on the table and leans forward, rubbing his hand across his mouth. “It took me a few days to calm down and think through our situation. I loved Nicole. She was everything to me. Even though we were young, I couldn’t see my future without her in it.” I open my mouth to question his love, but he stops me with his palm facing me. “I know it doesn’t sound like I did, but I did. And I’ll circle back to the fact I was a dumb kid back then. Once I calmed down, I started thinking about what we could do. I was halfway through my apprenticeship to be an electrician, so I figured we could make it work. Things wouldn’t be easy, but so long as we were together, we’d be okay.”

The waiter interrupts with our meals. I’m not feeling all that hungry now. I want to leave. Hearing this is too difficult, and I don’t like what he’s told me so far. I don’t like this man at all.

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