Page 18 of Sacrifice

Logan

Ihave to admit when I woke up this morning, I may have freaked out just a little bit. At first, I was amazed that I had slept through the night. It's been over a month since that had happened. Oh, I have Ella to thank for sure. When I woke this morning with her body wrapped around mine, I was instantly hard thinking about the night before. The truth is I wanted to wake her up and have a replay of last night, but I needed to get my mind right. I texted Tommy to have him take me to therapy, and he picked me up shortly after.

During the drive into town, he interrogated me, wanting to know my thoughts and feelings on everything. I know he's worried about me. Hell, I'm worried about myself. When we pull up to the office, I thank him for bringing me. "It's all good. I have my computer. I'll just work here. Take your time."

I still feel a little guilty. Just a few more days and I should be cleared to start driving again. "I'll only be a half hour or so."

But he shakes his head, shrugging his shoulders. "Really, it's not a big deal. I work from my car a lot.”

I close the door and find my way to the therapist's office. She's waiting on me and indicates the couch for me to take a seat. "So how are you doing today?"

Usually, I'm quiet, and she has to pull things from me. But today, I seem to want to talk. "I didn't have any nightmares last night."

She looks surprised. "Really?" I nod and lean back on the couch.

"Well, that's good. We're making progress then," she says.

I shrug, wondering if we really are making progress. I clear my throat, and I hate that I feel like I'm betraying Ella, but deep down, I know that she would be okay with me talking to my therapist about this. "I wasn't alone."

With a straight face, the therapist nods her head. "Okay. Do you want to talk about that?"

Again, I clear my throat. I’ve never been one to kiss and tell, but I don’t want to share with anyone else everything that happened last night. It’s like I want to keep it safe and protected from the world. But I know this is worth talking about if I want to get better. “Sure. Ella was with me.”

The therapist purses her lips and looks at the ceiling as if trying to remember that name. "Oh, Ella. She's the one that is staying with you this week. She's the one that rents your apartment, correct?"

I feel as if the therapist has belittled our relationship. Truth is she's more than just a renter. Heck, after last night, she's a lot more. "Yeah, that's her. She's the one that came and saw me in the hospital and insisted on staying with me.”

"So do you think she had something to do with keeping the nightmares at bay?”

I nod. “I know she did.”

She writes something down. “And how do you feel when you're with Ella?"

I cross my arms over my chest. I’ve never been a guy to talk about my emotions or anything, so needless to say, I’m not very comfortable with all this. "Well, I'm attracted to her, if that's what you mean."

She writes something down on the clipboard she has in her hand and then leans forward. "So you're attracted to her. Are there any other feelings you have when you're with her? How does she make you feel?"

I bite my lip and think of all the feelings I've experienced this week with Ella. And I start to list them off to her. "Safe. I feel safe when I'm with her. I feel cared about. It's obvious that she worries about me."

"Good, good." She nods her head. "And how do you feel about her?"

I hesitate, and before I can answer she clarifies, "Are you with her just because she's handy and after everything that happened with your fiancée?"

"No," I deny instantly.

She sits back in her seat and levels me with a stare. "So you're not with her just because she's available?"

I shake my head. "Absolutely not. Ella is special."

She starts to write again, and as she's writing, she continues to talk. "So then you can see yourself having a relationship with her?"

"No."

Her head jerks, and her eyes fly up to mine. "No?"

I shake my head. "No. I mean, what do I have to offer her? I don't know what my future holds."

She nods as if understanding. "Oh, okay. So she was with you because you were in the Army?”

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