Page 60 of The Accidental Wife

Shayla

Haveyou ever had that feeling where you feel as though you’re slowly suffocating like someone has their hands around your lungs? And they’re just squeezing every bit of air out of you. That’s the only way I could explain the way I was feeling at that very moment when I asked Cole if he was still in love with Sophie, and he couldn’t answer me. I felt all the oxygen leave my lungs, and it hurt. When I turned and looked at him, I got my answer. He’s still in love with her, even if he can’t admit it to himself. I had to get out of that car. I was in desperate need of air, and I was terrified he would see the tears that I was fighting to keep at bay.

As I walk along the waterfront, I keep telling myself that I’m being stupid. It’s just an arrangement, a ploy from the very beginning. I have no right to be upset with him. He can love whoever he wants. He doesn’t owe me a damn thing. As far as he’s concerned, he’s holding his side of the deal, and now I have to hold mine. Whatever these feelings are, I have to bury them and keep reminding myself that it's not real.

I bite the inside of my cheek when I feel him wrap his jacket around me and rest his head against mine. The smell of his aftershave makes me dizzy. He always smells so good. My eyes close when he wraps his arms around my shoulder and kisses my temple. On the outside, I was quiet but inside, I was screaming.

‘Don’t you dare cry, Shayla, keep it together, keep it together.’

It wasn’t until we got to the apartment, and I went straight to my bedroom, closed the door, leaned against it, and finally let that dam within me break. I silently cried and cried until I had nothing left inside me. Nothing from this day on would ever be the same between us. I made a promise to myself that I would close the doors to my heart and chain them shut. I had to keep Cole out at all cost because if I didn’t, I’d get hurt, and I couldn’t bear the thought of going through another heartbreak. He wants Sophie. They’re perfect for one another, so I’ll play my part in this agreement as planned and walk out of his life like I was always supposed too.

* * *

The next coupleof weeks dragged on both at home and work. I put the barriers up between Cole and me, much to his dismay, but he didn’t mention anything if it did bother him. I did see his face fall a couple of times when he would try and touch me flirtatiously, and I would back away, finding any excuse I could to get away. I spent less time at his apartment and more time with the girls back at our place. We’re at the end of our three months and coming up to the fourth month now. I did miss him terribly, but I have to stay away for the sake of my own heart.

I was currently sitting with the girls out on our terrace, my knees pulled to my chest, staring at my phone, wondering why he wasn’t calling or texting me.Was he with Sophie?

Aimee sighs and looks over at me, “Shayla, you’ve been staring at the phone for the last three hours. A watched phone doesn’t ring, babe.”

I lift my gaze to her and shrug, “I wasn’t.”

Jo chuckles, “Right, you’re obviously wondering what he’s up to. Just text him.” I shake my head and look ahead. “Better yet. Why don’t you just tell him you like him and stop torturing yourself by pretending you don’t.” She adds, looking at me pointedly.

I sigh, “I can’t.”

“Why?” Aimee asks, taking a bite out of an apple and chewing gingerly. “You’ve gone cold turkey on the boy. He’s probably confused why you’re pulling away from him, and he’s likely respecting your need for time apart by trying to give you space.”

I close my eyes and rest my chin on my knee, “Aimee. I don’t like him. Even if I did, how can I just go and tell him while he’s still in love with his ex-girlfriend? Would you do it? Be honest, would you go and tell a guy who is in love with someone else you have feelings for him, especially when he’s given you zero indication that he might like you back?” I ask, irritated, and Aimee looks at me blankly, her eyes wide.

“I mean, when you put it like that, no, I wouldn’t. But zero indication? Come on, Shay, you can’t be that unwitting, surely. We all saw the way he dragged you out of that club that night. Why would he bother coming after you if he didn’t like you? Are you certain he doesn’t feel anything for you?”

“Yes!” I snap angrily, and both girls jump, startled. “I saw it in his eyes. I saw it on his face when she kissed him. Stop filling my head with all this shit, okay. He doesn’t want me. I know where I stand. I know my place, and I’m going to do my bit in getting him his shares and in eight weeks, I’m done. To hell with him and all of this bullshit. I just want my damn life back.” I declare bitterly, standing up. I grab my jacket and handbag and walk out of the apartment. I needed to get some air and clear my head before I went back to Cole’s place.

I walk out of the building and pull my jacket on. As I walk down the steps, I stop when I see a black Audi R8 pull up. Cole’s car. He gets out of the car and walks over to me.

“Hey,” He greets, shoving his hands in his pockets. I nod, wrapping my arms around myself.

“Hi, what are you doing here?” I question, and he looks around before he looks at me again, eyes narrowed.

“I, uh, went out for a drive and wondered what you were up to? I’ve barely seen you in the last couple of weeks.” He tells me, and I look down at my feet, plaster a fake smile on my face.

“Why, Lord Hoult, is that your way of telling me you miss me?” I ask with a smirk, and he smiles and rubs the back of his neck.

“If I say yes, would you judge me?” I look at him, and the sincerity in his eyes makes me ache deeply.

I shrug and hold up my thumb and forefinger, “Maybe a little.”

He chuckles. “Then, yes, I miss you.” I smile, and he reaches out and pokes my side gently. When I don’t slap his hand away like he’s used to, he drops his hand to his side, a little frown on his face. Cole sighs a moment later and runs his fingers through his hair. “I’m really burnt out, and you’re always so good at distracting me, so I thought we could do something?”

I frown, “Do what?”

“Something fun.” He suggests with a shrug, and I bite my lip. I have been avoiding him lately, maybe doing something fun together might be good for us both.

“Uh, sure. What do you have in mind?” I question as we walk toward his car. Cole winks and smiles at me mischievously.

“You’ll see.” I nod, and we get into the car. We made small talk on the journey to wherever he was taking me. “Oh, by the way, don’t be mad, but we have to go to my parent's place this weekend,” Cole says, glancing at me sideways.

I frown, looking at him, “Why?”

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