Page 131 of The Accidental Wife

I shrug and bite my lip, “I’m stuck in an impossible situation. I’m getting married tomorrow to a woman who I once thought I loved, but I can no longer stand. How does that happen? How can you go from loving someone to completely loathing them and everything they do?” I ask, and Annabelle sighs and shifts in her seat regarding me seriously.

“Because we change Cole and the things we want tend to change as we grow older. We often turn a blind eye to the things we don’t particularly like about our partners because we love them, but once that love is gone, those annoying habits or all the things we hate about them become more prominent and intolerable to us.” She explains, and I nod. I suppose that made sense. “Name something you hated about Shayla?”

I shake my head, “Nothing. She’s perfect.”

Annabelle smiles, “There must be one thing that annoyed you about her.”

I search my brain for something that I found annoying, but there wasn’t anything. “Nothing. I love everything about Shayla. Her stubbornness, her clumsiness, her lack of spatial awareness. I can’t think of a single thing I would ever hate about her.” I tell her, earnestly.

“Why is it you decided to marry Sophie and leave Shayla? Can you not be a father to the child without marrying her?” She questions, tapping her pen on the notepad, and I sigh.

“I contemplated that, but in our circle, that’s not an option. My father told me if you’re man enough to have sex with a girl and father a child, you need to be man enough to step up and do the right thing and marry her. What child wants to grow up as a bastard, right? A pretty backward way of looking at things, especially in this day and age where people don’t even want to get married and have kids left and right.” I explain, rubbing my hands over my thighs. “But in our circle, that’s unjust, and people love to talk, and it will tarnish the reputation I have built as a respected businessman.”

“I understand, but it is still quite a sacrifice you’re making. It’s actually very endearing, Cole.”

I roll my eyes, “Nothing endearing about it, trust me. It’s simply cowardice.”

“No, it’s not. You’re doing the right thing by your child and making a great sacrifice. That’s what being a parent is all about.” She voices, and I sigh and look around the room.

“I have nightmares that I won’t love this baby. I don’t feel anything, even when I saw him on that monitor, and they told us it’s a boy—I felt nothing. I should feel something, anything, right?” I ask her, and she frowns a little. “I just feel empty and numb, and that darkness I told you about consumes me, and I get the sudden urge to throw myself off the terrace or drive into oncoming traffic,” I explain, tears falling from my eyes.

“Cole, you’re going through a difficult time with the break-up and feeling obligated to marry Sophie and have a baby. It’s a lot for one person to take. That all-consuming darkness you speak of is your fear. Your fear of not loving your child, your fear of spending the rest of your life with a woman you don’t love, the fear of never seeing Shayla again or ever feeling anything for anyone like you did her.” I nod and bite my lip.

“I can only give you advice as a professional, but this route you’re going down is clearly the wrong one. Your body, your mind is trying to tell you something, Cole. You’re fighting to keep everyone else around you happy while you suffer the consequences. Why should you suffer, for other people’s expectations and opinions of you? Their opinions won’t be sleeping in your bed at night, Cole, but you know what will? Resentment, guilt, and despair.”

“It’s easier said than done.” I sigh, shaking my head, wiping away the tears. “I’m just so tired of feeling…” I trail off, searching for the right word.

“Incomplete?” Annabelle finishes for me, and I close my eyes and sigh.

“Incomplete,” I whisper sorrowfully, laying my head back against the chair. “I have never felt so utterly wrecked and powerless. I can feel my life slipping away from me. My soul is broken. I have everything I can dream of, money, career, cars, private jets, and boats. All those things I thought made me happy, just don’t anymore. I would give it all up in a heartbeat for her without an ounce of regret.”

“Now that’s a sacrifice worth making,” Annabelle tells me with a small smile. “Listen to your body Cole, listen to your heart because it never steers us wrong.” I swallow the lump forming in my throat and nod. “That’s all the time we have today. We can meet again after your honeymoon if you’re still struggling.”

I stand up and shake her hand. “Thank you for all your help.” Annabelle nods and smiles warmly.

“Good luck, Cole.” I nod, thanking her I walk out of her office. I was hoping to feel better, but I didn’t. If anything, I was more confused than ever. What did she mean by listen to your body? What the fuck is my body trying to tell me?

* * *

I spentmy last night as a bachelor drinking on my own in my regular bar. I don’t bother looking up when I feel someone sit beside me.

“You gonna share or what?” I look to my side and see Josh sitting there. I look down into my glass again.

“The fuck do you want,” I utter icily and hear him sigh and order a glass of scotch for himself.

“Thought you could use a friend.” He says, taking a sip of his scotch.

I snort, “Yeah? Do you see one because I fucking don’t?” I retort coldly and knock back my drink. Is this kid for real? How dare he call himself a friend after what he did—imprudent bastard.

“Cole, you’re my best friend. Beyond that, you’re my brother, man. We’ve known each other for years. If you’re waiting for an apology, you’re not going to get one.” He tells me, and I glare at him darkly. “Maybe going after Shayla wasn’t the best decision on my part, but she was single, and you’re engaged to be married to another woman. I would think if you cared enough about this girl, you’d want her to be happy with someone you know would treat her right.”

“You can tell you’ve never been in love.” I sigh, pouring myself another drink and knocking it back. “Shayla wasn’t some girl I was casually seeing. I love her deeply, more than I have loved anyone in my life. Of course, I would want her to be happy. No one deserves it more, but out of my sight, not having her happiness shoved in my face with my best friend kissing her and touching her as I used to.” I tell him, staring into my glass.

“I didn’t even think about it like that, man. I really liked her, and watching her fall apart when she thought something happened to you just made me realise how much she really loves you.” Josh tells me, lifting his gaze from his glass to look at me.

“I know you liked her, and I can’t blame you for that. She’s truly something else, and I’m envious of the next guy that gets to have her, but that can’t be you.” I tell him blankly. “And if you choose to be with her, I can’t be your friend, Josh, because every time I see you with her, I’m going to want to ram your head through a wall.” I hear Josh chuckle beside me, and I look at him.

“If I were a selfish bastard, I would have. But looking at the state that girls love has left you in, and the state you have left her in, there’s just too much damage there for me to even attempt to fix, as much as I think she’s worth the agg—I don’t want to be a substitute for you.” Josh tells me earnestly, and I nod, looking down at my glass.

---