Page 57 of Love Me Again

The words loveat first sight didn’t mean much of anything to me until I laid my eyes on my daughter. My daughter. I have a daughter. How crazy is that? A couple of hours ago, she was inside me, and now she’s out and sleeping peacefully beside me.

It was just like everyone said to me, she will heal all the broken pieces inside of you, and she has. The moment I held her, and she opened up those beautiful green eyes, my heart was captivated. There really is nothing more important to me than her. After her birth, we had to spend a week in hospital because she was born preterm, and the paediatricians wanted to keep an eye on her; however, she was absolutely perfect. She’s feeding well and gaining weight by the day. All her tests have come back clear, which meant we finally get to take her home.

I jump awake when I hear Alaia fussing and see Cole was holding her against his chest, rubbing her back softly. He’s obsessed with her. You wouldn’t think this was the same man that said he didn’t want her a couple of months ago. It almost felt like the old Cole.

The excitement and love he had in his eyes for her made my heart swell. Cole’s been by our side every day, and the nurses had to literally kick him out so he would go home and rest at night. It’s been overwhelming, to say the least. As thrilled as I am he’s bonding with Alaia, things are still very much up in the air between us, and I think neither one of us wants to bring anything up in fear we will burst this blissful bubble of ignorance we’re living in.

Now more than ever, I want to remove any unnecessary drama out of my life and focus on raising my daughter in a happy and healthy environment. That is all I want, and the sooner Cole and I get a divorce, the sooner we can both move on and focus on making Alaia our top priority. I lay back and watch Cole as he cradles Alaia in his arms, singing to her quietly. “Is she hungry?” I ask, and Cole looks at me with a smile.

“I think she might be,” He chuckles, looking down at her when she whines. “She’s on the hunt for boobs.”

I smile, sitting up and wince when I feel how full my breasts were. “Oh yeah, it’s definitely feeding time.” Cole hands Alaia to me and sits at the end of the bed while I feed her. That first moment she latches on hurts like hell, and I wince as she suckles hungrily.

“Are you hungry? Do you need me to get you anything?” Cole asks considerately, rubbing my ankle, and I shake my head, watching Alaia while she feeds. She blinks, looking up at me.

“No, I’m good, thank you.” I smile at him. “I honestly can’t wait to get out of here and take her home already.” I sigh, brushing my finger over her soft cheek.

“Shay, I want you to come back home,” Cole says, and I look at him, surprised.

“Cole, I already told you, that’s not my home anymore,” I reply, and Cole shifts and sits closer to Alaia and me.

“That will always be your home Shayla, both of yours.” He claims, looking down at Alaia. “I know things are complicated between us, but we have Alaia to think about, and she needs us both right now,” Cole explains, taking my hand in his and kissing my knuckles.

“You’re right. Alaia is the only thing that matters to me right now, Cole. I’m going to put all my energy into providing a happy home for her, not one where her parents are at each other’s throats all the time—which you know will be the case with us,” I tell him earnestly and lift Alaia so I could wind her.

“Shayla, whether you like it or not, we’re a family now, and the best thing for Alaia is for her parents to be together under the same roof.” I sigh and switch breasts when she lets out a gassy burp.

“Not necessarily,” I shake my head, glancing down at Alaia before I look at Cole again. “I can’t just forgive and forget everything that’s happened between us, Cole. Just because we have a baby together doesn’t automatically fix everything that is broken between us. Everything has changed, and if we really want what’s best for our daughter, we need to let go of the past and move on and be the best possible parents we can be for her.” I explain and see the disappointment in Cole’s eyes as he looks at me.

“I’m not giving up on us, Shayla.” He solemnly states while reaching over and brushing his fingers along my jaw. “I love you.”

I close my eyes and sigh, “No, you don’t. You’re only saying that because you think it’s what I want to hear, but it’s too late for that now.” I utter, pulling my face away from his touch.

“Shayla, look at me.” Cole takes my face into his hands and turns my head so that I could look at him. “I’m in love with you. I’ve always been in love with you. All those feelings I had inside of me, I thought it was for Sophie because I didn’t know you and I didn’t know where to place all those feelings, but the love I’ve had in my heart all along was for you. I know it’s taken me a while to figure it out, but it’s true, and I don’t care how long it takes or what it takes. I’m going to prove it to you.” He declares, gazing into my eyes. “Just give us a chance, please.”

“I have Cole. We’re all out of chances. You might not remember, but I still do. I still remember all the chances I gave us and ended up more broken than before, and I don’t have another heartbreak left in me. I just don’t.” I explain with a sigh. It’s not that I didn’t want to believe that he does love me, but it’s just not the same anymore. He’s not the same. The way he looks at me isn’t the same. It’s like he’s saying the words, but the emotions in his eyes aren’t there. I’m still holding out for my Cole to show up, I want my Cole back, and this just isn’t him.

“Shayla—”

I shake my head and lift Alaia onto my chest while I rub her back gently. “Can we please not talk about this now.” I request, and Cole sighs, standing up when the young female doctor walks in.

“Hi Shayla.”

I smile and nod, “Hi.”

“I have your discharge papers here. You guys are free to go.” She smiles, handing the papers to Cole, who nods. “Your midwife will come and visit you at home for the next couple of weeks to keep track of Alaia’s weight and check-ups.”

“Oh, okay, thank you so much,” I say with a smile. “I can’t wait to go home and shower.” I hold Alaia out to Cole, who takes her from me, dropping a kiss on her head before he lays her in the little bed beside mine.

“Ah, nothing like being home in your own space,” The doctor says with a warm smile as she looks over Alaia. “Just remember to sleep when she’s sleeping. You need plenty of rest. Keep in mind your body is still recovering. Lucky for you, it seems Daddy here is already hands-on.” She teases with a wink, and I look at Cole smiling proudly.

“Anything for my girls.” He expresses lovingly, dropping a lingering kiss on my temple. I look up at him when he pulls back a little, his gaze on mine.

“Congratulations again. She’s truly an angel.” The doctor says before she leaves us alone.

“Thank god, I can’t wait to get out of here,” I utter, pushing the covers off me and hiss when I feel a dull ache between my legs.

“You okay?” Cole questions, concerned, moving closer to me. I nod and hold my hands out to him.

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