Page 98 of Love Me Again

“Cole.”I lift my gaze and look at a teary-eyed Josh and shake my head from my position on the floor. We were at the mortuary, and I had to go in and identify the body. As soon as I see a body on that table, covered with a white cloth, my back hit the wall, and I slid to the floor with my head in my hands.

“I can't do it.” I sob uncontrollably, shaking my head. “That can’t be her lying there, Josh. it can't be!” I cry, covering my face with my hand as I weep. “I don’t want to remember her like that. I can’t do it.” If I see her lying there, lifeless and cold, that’s how I’ll remember her. That image will haunt me forever.

“Cole, you have to. I know it’s hard, but she’s suffered enough. Let’s do this so we can put her to rest if it is her.”

His words wrecked me. Put her to rest. I don’t want to put her to rest. I want her to wake up, so I can take her home with me, back to our baby girl who misses her terribly, back to her family who needs her.

“I can’t, Josh, I can’t. I fucking can’t!”

“Come on, bro. I’ll be right there with you.” Josh assures and lifts me to my feet, and he pulls me toward the table. My heart was beating wildly in my chest, making it impossible to catch my breath. We wait while the man pulls the cloth back slowly. I take one look at the body, and I fall to my knees, screaming with my head in my hands.

Josh kneels beside me and wraps his arms around me while I cry uncontrollably. He looks up at the man and shakes his head, wiping away his tears. “It’s not her.” He rubs my back and presses his head to mine. “It’s not her, bro. It’s not her.” Josh keeps repeating, reassuring me as I sob wretchedly. “Let’s go, come on.” Josh helps me up to my feet again, and we walk out of the morgue. I was so relieved it wasn’t her lying in there, but that doesn’t mean she was alive either. It could only be a matter of time before I'm back in there, and what if it is her next time? The fear alone of losing her is gut-wrenching, but the reality is much, much worse than I could have ever imagined.

“I’m so sorry you had to go through that, Cole, but this is good news. It means your wife could still be alive.” Detective Scott says as he follows us out of the room.

“Could be,” I mutter sullenly. “What are you waiting for? How long till I'm hauled back in there, and it is Shayla lying dead on that table? They could be doing anything to her, she’s obviously hurt, and you’re still sitting on your thumbs! Do your fucking job and find her before they kill her!” I shout angrily, glaring at him.

“Cole, we’re doing everything we can; we’re following every lead possible to find them. They’re still looking through the CCTV footage, but it takes time. I assure you we are all working very hard to track your wife down.”

“While you’re working ‘very hard’,’ they’re holding her captive doing god only knows what to her. They’re sending packages to the house, dropping the baby off to your doorstep, and you still can’t find a damn lead as to where they’re keeping her?” Josh questions, his brows fused tightly. I close my eyes and rub my temples agitated. The more I think about them hurting Shayla, the angrier and more powerless I felt.

“There has to be something we could do. Anything is better than sitting around, waiting, and wondering. Every second that passes by is a second longer Shayla suffers.” Josh states, and Detective Scott nods.

“Unfortunately, there isn’t anything you can do. Other than pray and hope someone comes forward with some information, or we catch a lead. We have to be patient.” He claims, and Josh looks over at me. “We’ve sent the dress off to forensics to be tested. We’ll find something. In cases like these, something is always overlooked or missed, and I promise you, we will find it soon.”

“By the time you find whatever you’re looking for, they could kill her and dump her body someplace and disappear!” I hiss through clenched teeth and rub my hands over my face shaking my head. “I can’t. I can’t be in here anymore. I can’t fucking breathe.” I storm off outside and suck in a lungful of air. I lift my gaze up to the sky and bite my lip hard. Where are you, Shay. Where are you love of my life? Please, sweetheart, find your way back to me. Don’t leave me here to go on without you, please. Just hold on for me, hold on for us. I look back when I feel Josh’s hand on my shoulder.

“Let’s get back.” He sighs, and I nod, following him to his car. I sit in the passenger seat, staring up at the gloomy grey sky as the rain hits the window. I lose myself in the memories of Shayla and me. This isn’t how it’s supposed to go for us. We’re supposed to have more babies and grow old and grey together. We’re supposed to share our messy love story with our grandchildren while we’re sitting in our rocking chairs at eighty, just like she promised me. I still have so much I want to do with her, so much of her I haven't even kissed yet, so many things I haven’t said to her. Please, don’t let this be the end of us. I can't live without her. I don’t know how to. “Stop,” I gasp suddenly, sitting forward when I see a church. “Stop the car!” I tell Josh, and he looks around frantically and slams his foot on the brakes.

“What is it?” He asks quickly, and I push the door open and run across the street toward the church. I push the door open and walk inside. I’m not a religious man, but she was, and if anyone was going to help her right now, it was God himself. I walk down the aisle toward the prayer desk and look up at the statue of Jesus Christ staring down at me. I fall to my knees, lace my fingers together, and close my eyes.

“God, I wasn’t raised to believe in anyone other than myself. I know, I probably have no right being here and asking you of anything, having no faith— but my wife has always had faith, and she prays and is a good person. I'm desperate, and you're the only one I can turn to for help and guidance right now. I’m begging you. Please help Shayla, please keep her safe and give her the strength to keep on fighting and find her way home to me and our baby girl. I’ll do anything. I'll come to church every Sunday. I’ll donate more money and time to those in need. I'll give up everything I have, just please, please help me find her.” I cry in despair. “We only just found each other again. Don’t take her from us,” I whisper and lift my gaze to the statue again. I get up and wipe my tears before I turn and walk past Josh, standing there watching me pray, his blue eyes swimming in tears.

We get back in the car and drive back to the house. There were even more people loitering outside the house. As soon as we approach, Josh’s security team clears the pathway to the house. He rolls down the window as we drive in through the gates. “Stay alert, and if anything suspicious catches your eye, you call me, understand?” He commands, and the boys nod in response. “Everyone needs to be checked and cleared before they come near the house.” He adds before he drives toward the house and pulls up. I look at the paparazzi and frown. I get out of the car and walk over to the gate. “Cole? What are you doing?” Josh asks, grabbing my arm, and I turn to look at him.

“If they won’t call me, I’ll reach out to them. I’m going to get my wife back, whatever it costs me.” I pull my arm and gesture for them to open the gates, and Josh follows me and stands beside me, his eyes scanning every face in front of us. The cameras flash in my face blinding me momentarily, and I blink a couple of times. “I have a message to the people who are holding my wife captive. I don’t know why you’ve taken her or what you want, but please, I am begging you, don’t hurt her. If it’s money you want, I’m ready to pay whatever it is; just let her come home. I’ll give up everything I have; please don’t hurt her and get in contact with me. Shayla, if you see this, please hold on, baby. I'm going to find you whatever it takes. I love you more than anything. Please come home to us.” I cry and allow Josh to pull me back toward the house while everyone screams and shouts questions at us.

As soon as we walk into the house, everyone gets up to their feet and looks at us. Each person was looking more wrecked than the next. “It wasn’t her,” I announce and watch the flood of relief that washes over their faces. Mine and Shay’s mother sob and sink onto the sofa. Sam kneels with his head in his hands while Jo consoles him crying, and Aimee runs into Josh’s arms, sobbing. My Dad walks over to me and pulls me in for a hug, and I cry into his shoulder.

“She’s going to come home, son.” He assures, rubbing my back. “Don’t give up hope. Shayla’s a strong girl; she won't give up without a fight.”

“I don’t know how much longer she can hold out for Dad. God knows what they’re doing to her.” I sigh distraughtly, wiping my eyes, and walk over to where Alaia was asleep in her bouncer, her little arms wrapped around one of Shayla’s t-shirts.

“She cried herself to sleep. She’s not feeding Cole. She’s refusing to take the bottle with the formula milk. We couldn’t get her to stop crying until we gave her a t-shirt that smelt like Shayla, and she finally fell asleep.” Sara tells me, sobbing into her tissue, and I look down at my baby and close my eyes.

“She misses her. Oh, God, what am I going to do?” I sob, curling my fingers in my hair and rocking back and forth. “She won’t take anything but her mother's breastmilk. How am I supposed to feed her? She’s going to starve.”

“I’ve called a paediatrician. They’ll be here soon to help find a solution. If she refuses to eat, they might have to take her into the hospital and feed her through a tube till she takes the formula.” My mother explains, and I shake my head sullenly, brushing my thumb over her little hand. I’m not the only one suffering and missing her. Alaia’s sensing it too.

The doorbell chimes, and I look back at Josh, who goes to answer it. He pulls it open and scowls. “The fuck? What do you want?” Aimee utters icily while walking over to the door. I wipe my eyes and walk over to the door and scowl when I see Sophie standing there. She’s the last person I expected to see.

“Sophie?” I mutter, looking her over, and she looks at me, her blue eyes apologetic.

“Tristan, I heard about Shayla and your baby getting kidnapped and wanted to come and check up on you and see if there's anything I could do to help?” She claims, walking into the house, but Aimee blocks her path.

“Yeah, you can fuck off back to whatever hole you just crawled out of.” Aimee hisses, and Sophie turns her gaze to Aimee and looks at her sadly.

“Look, I know Shayla, and I never saw eye to eye. And I'm not without my mistakes, but I wouldn’t wish this on my worst enemy. It’s truly awful, and I can’t even imagine how concerned you must all be feeling.” Sophie asserts, sweeping her blonde hair out of her face and tucking it behind her ear. She looks at me and tries to take a step but stops when Jo puts her hand up, stopping her, coming to stand beside Aimee, both girls glaring at her. “I just wanted to make sure you were okay and offer my support. Please, Tristan, let me be there for you? We were friends before anything else.” She says and looks at Josh pleadingly. “Josh?”

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