Page 75 of Love Me Again

Shayla closes her eyes and sighs heavily. “When you said, I thought—”

“Thought I would go and have sex with Sophie because we had a stupid argument? Is that really what you think of me? That I would cheat on you out of spite? Really Shayla?” I question incredulously as I look down into her upturned face. “I would never do that, and it fucking kills me that you would ever believe I could do that to you. Even when I walked out on you, I still stayed faithful to you, but you didn’t. I didn’t touch Sophie, but you kissed him, Shayla. So, you don’t get to stand there and act all hurt like I've done you wrong because I haven’t.”

Shayla blinks, and tears roll down her cheeks. “That kiss meant nothing, Cole.” She replies, dropping her gaze from mine. “The whole thing was staged. I was trying to get you to believe that I was moving on so you would leave Alaia and me alone. Aimee told me you were on your way to the class. I saw you coming through the window, and I asked Blake to kiss me so you would think I was dating him and give up on us.” She explains, and I watch her as she lifts her watery gaze to mine again. “I was never dating Blake. He was just playing along with a lie I told you.”

I lift my gaze to the ceiling and sigh, shaking my head. “Why the fuck would you do that, Shayla?”

Because I was scared!” She shouts, looking at me helplessly. “I was terrified that you would somehow worm your way back into my life again, and I wouldn’t have the strength to keep you out. And I was right because look at us. We hurt each other, Cole; this is what we do. We have no trust for one another, and without it, we just won’t work.” She tells me her voice was quivering with emotion.

“So, what are you saying? You just want to give up on us?” I question, grasping her arms and looking down at her.

“I don’t know, but it’s clear we jumped into this thing too quickly and without caution,” Shayla admits pulling away from me. I let my arms fall by my sides as I watch her turn her back to me.

“No, that’s bullshit!” I shout, turning her to face me again. “We were fine. We were happy and getting along perfectly fine.” I cup her face and lift her gaze to mine. “Shayla, I love you. What is it going to take for you to believe that?” I ask, gazing into her eyes, and she sighs, closing her eyes.

“I do believe you. I do.”

I frown, looking at her questioningly, “Then what’s the problem? Is it me? Am I doing something wrong? I don’t understand?” I question, perplexed, and she looks at me sullenly. “Do you not want to be with me?”

“Of course, I do.” She sighs, watching me, but I see the lingering shadow of uncertainty in her eyes.

“Then what?” I ask frustratedly. “You don’t believe we’re going to make it, do you?” I utter deflated, letting my hands fall from where they were clutching her arms. “That’s why you’re reluctant to let me in because you don’t see us working it out past the six months,” I whisper, and she drops her gaze to the ground. I was right. She doesn’t see us having a future together. I yank the towel off my shoulders and wrap it around my waist again before I turn my back to her. “I get it.”

“Cole—”

“Nah, I get it,” I mutter, shaking my head. “After all, you didn’t want this, right? I pushed you into this by not agreeing to a divorce.” I rub my neck and grimace, closing my eyes. “We’ll just stick it out for the next five months for Laia’s sake, and if you still want to divorce, then I’ll sign the papers, and you can be free of me and move on with whoever you want.” I force myself to say even though my heart was breaking one piece at a time.

“Cole, it’s not—”

“You don’t owe me an explanation, Shayla. I’ve said all I have to say, and you know where I stand.” I bite the inside of my cheek hard. “If you don’t mind, I’d like to go to bed now.” I throw over my shoulder coldly, not wanting to face her anymore. I hear her sniffle before I feel her hand on my bare back, followed by her forehead.

“Cole...” She whispers, her voice quivering, and I close my eyes tightly. I stay silent and still, fighting every fibre in my body to not turn around and wrap my arms around her tight and kiss her. She evidently needs time, and I need to respect that and not push her or pressure her into being with me.

Our relationship is clearly still very broken. I just wish I knew what she wanted from me or how I could fix it, but I don’t, and it’s irritating me. When I say nothing, she finally steps away, and a moment later, I hear my bedroom door click shut. I sink onto the bed and bury my head in my hands. What the fuck is happening? This morning I woke up so happy, we were happy, and now everything has fallen into pieces all over again. I’m praying that we find a way to fix us because I can’t see my life without her.

* * *

The next couple of days,I buried myself in work. I woke up early, went for a run before the girls were up, showered, and went to work.

I spent most of my day at the office, working late so I wouldn’t have to go home and see her. I was butt hurt and felt like I'd been rejected, and I wasn’t even sure if that were the case—but that’s how it felt. We haven’t spoken in days, and I miss her like crazy and Alaia too. Friday evening was the last day of work, and the office was closing for the holiday season until after the new year.

I sat in the office all alone, drinking the day before Christmas Eve when I should be home with my family. I stare at the diamond bracelet I got for Shayla for Christmas sitting in the Cartier box. I had them design it, especially for her, with Alaia’s name written in diamonds.

I wipe away the tear that rolls down my cheek and shake my head glumly. What the fuck am I supposed to do for the next two weeks without work? I was looking forward to it before, but now I'm dreading it. How am I supposed to stay in that house with her and pretend to be fine when I’m not? Everyone is coming over Christmas Day, and they’re bound to pick up on the tension between us.

Do we just put on a show for them and fake our happiness? I can’t fucking do that. Bollocks to the lot of it. I look at the time on my phone and see it's gone past nine. I finish off the glass of scotch and force myself to leave the office and head home. I could stay at my old apartment and avoid seeing her one more night, but what good would that fucking do.

Did I mention that I was starting to remember more and more of my life with Shayla? Yeah, that’s just making my emotions a million times worse because every time I remember something new, it breaks me that much more. I remembered our honeymoon the other day while I was running. I got flashbacks of us making love on a white sandy beach, laughing endlessly, and getting drunk on cocktails and making love all over again. I want that happiness again. I want to be us again, but I don’t fucking know how to make it happen. I’m terrified I’m going to lose them.

When I got home, I noticed Shayla was in the kitchen, so I set her present under the Christmas tree and made a beeline to the stairs. “Cole?” I stop when I hear her call my name.

“Yeah?”

“Are you hungry?” I hear her ask. I was hungry, I hadn’t eaten much of anything in days, but I shake my head.

“No, I’m not.” I force out and turn to walk upstairs again.

“Cole,” Shayla calls out again, and I close my eyes.

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