Page 34 of Love Me Again

I wish I never met him. I wish I could rip out my heart and hurl it at him and scream, here, take it because it's worthless to me now. I feel the life being excruciatingly siphoned right out of me, and I can't bear it.

"Shay, we're here." I jerk out of my thoughts when Jo touches my leg to get my attention. I get out of the car and walk to the front door of my childhood home. I didn't have my keys, so I knock on the door and pray my mother was home. The door opens, and I watch the smile disappear off her face when she sees the state of me.

"Oh, honey, what's wrong?" She asks worriedly, taking my face in her hands and looking into my tear-filled eyes. I couldn't speak. I choke on a sob and throw myself into her arms, and she holds me tight. My mother looks at Jo standing behind me questioningly. Jo shrugs and shakes her head. "Come on, darling, let's go inside." She leads me inside to the living room. "Shayla, what's going on? You're scaring me." My mother questions when I lay my head in her lap, sobbing. "Jo? Is Cole okay? Did something happen?"

Jo sits on the sofa next to my mother and looks down at me. "They broke up. It's all so complicated, but as you know, Cole doesn't remember that he loves Shayla. He still thinks he's in love with his ex-Sophie. So, he told Shayla he doesn't love her, that he loves Sophie, and left her." Jo explains, and my mother clamps her hand over her mouth and looks down at me, stunned.

"Oh, good heavens,"

"I lost him, Mum," I whimper. "I couldn't make him love me again. I couldn't."

My mother closes her eyes and strokes my head. "Oh, my sweet girl, he may not remember you now, but he will. The heart doesn't forget Shayla. That boy will wake up every day with that big void you left in his heart and wonder why he doesn't feel complete. I promise you, sweetheart, even if his mind doesn't remember you, his heart will lead him right back to you." She conveys, and I shake my head.

"It's too late." I sob weakly. "He stood there and screamed in my face that he doesn't want the baby or me. Cole left us...he left us like we meant nothing to him."

My mother tearfully shakes her head. "Oh baby, I know, I know how much it hurts to lose the man you love, but you're going to get through this, okay, you'll have your beautiful baby girl in your arms soon. You have to be strong for her. You don't need him; you have your family and your friends."

I shake my head and press my hand to my stomach. "I may not need him, but she will, Mum. What am I going to tell her? I can bury the pain deep in my heart and live with it, but how am I going to look her in the eyes one day and tell her that her father didn't want us, didn't want her. How, tell me, how am I going to tell her that?!" I sob wretchedly. "I know first-hand what it's like growing up without a father. I don't want that for her."

"Honey, her father is still very much alive. You do the best you can to fill that void, and one day, when she's old enough, you tell her who he is, and she can decide if she wants a relationship with him. We all know that Cole would have died before he ever left you and his baby. He was crazy about you both. I saw the love that boy had in his heart for you. It's not his fault, honey. Cole didn't wake up one morning and decide he doesn't love you or the baby. He lost his memory; he's just as innocent in all of this as you and this baby." She explains, looking down at me while combing her fingers through my hair.

I wince, "I know that, but I can't just stand by and watch him fall in love and live happily with another woman...especially her. I can't. Cole could have tried harder-- but he didn't. He chose the easy way out. He chose to be selfish and walked away from his family to be with her. That was his choice, memory loss or not. I can't forgive him for that, and I won't." I utter, sitting up and wiping away my tears. "I don't ever want to see his face again."

My mother turns to face me, "But you will, honey. Every time you look into your baby girl's face, you will see him, just like I see your father when I look at you." She explains, and I hang my head and cry.

"What am I going to do, Mum. I don't know if I'm going to survive this." My mother pulls me in for a hug and kisses my head.

"You will, baby, you'll find the strength, I promise you." She assures me, rubbing my back soothingly. "Shayla, I want you to move back home, and I can help you with the baby. You need to be around your family right now."

I shake my head and sigh, "I'm moving back in with the girls for now while I look for a place of my own and hopefully find a new job. Although,I don't know who will hire me when I'm so close to giving birth." I sigh tiredly, wiping away my tears.

"Shayla, Cole can—"

"No," I mutter firmly, closing my eyes. "I don't want a damn thing from him. I'm going to resign from my position at the company and erase him from my life for good. He's dead to me. I have some savings, so I'll be fine for a while."

My mother nods, "Okay, honey, I have a job now too, and so does your brother. You selflessly took care of us for years, and now it's our turn to take care of you and our baby. Don't worry about a thing."

"Aimee and I too. You don't have to move out, you can stay with the baby, and we can help you with her." Jo states, smiling at me sadly.

"Thank you. I need to figure something out soon before she comes. I'm not even ready for her, and she's due in twelve weeks." I sigh, defeated. "Cole and I were supposed to go and get everything she needed after he got back from his trip, but..."

"Then we will go and get everything she needs." My mother states, kissing my temple and rubbing my bump. I sigh, suddenly exhausted, and nod. "How about I make you and my granddaughter your favourite dish?" I shake my head.

"I'm not hungry. I just want to go home, shower, and sleep for a while," I answer, and she nods in understanding.

"Okay, but make sure you eat honey. I know food is the last thing on your mind, but the baby needs the nutrients to grow and be strong, especially the weeks leading up to the birth." My mother explains, and I nod. "Make sure she eats." She firmly tells Jo who nods in assurance.

"Of course. We'll take care of her, don't worry," Jo tells her. We left my mother's place and went back to my old apartment. Just walking into that place, I remembered all the breakdowns and memories of Cole and me, and it emotionally crippled me.

It felt strange being back in my old room. This wasn't my home anymore. My home was with Cole, in our house. As I lay on my bed, I remember the day we walked into the room we decided would be the baby's nursery.

"I think this would be perfect, it's right next to ours, and I will have them build an interconnecting door, so we can leave it open at night for easy access when you need to feed," Cole says in a flurry as he looks around the room. The excitement in his eyes at that moment made my love for him grow tenfold. "What?" He asks when he catches me watching him adoringly.

"I'm crazy about you, Cole Hoult." I declare lovingly, and he grins. Walking over to me, he wraps his arms around my waist and looks deeply into my eyes.

"Say it again, baby." He whispers, pressing his forehead to mine.

"I'm crazy about you," I tell him again, and he smiles, biting his lip.

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