Page 33 of Love Me Again

I stareat the window to my right. I can see Cole in the reflection of the glass. He just stood there looking at me miserably. I can't simply put into words how devastated I feel right now because there are no words that could ever describe how I felt. I lay down and turn my back to him, sobbing.

"Shay,"

"Get out. I don’t ever want to see you again." I utter brokenly and watch through the glass as he turns and walks to the door.

Cole stops suddenly and looks at me, "I swear to you in front of all our family and friends that I will make each day we spend together better than the last." I still when I hear him repeat his wedding vows. I turn my head and look back at him; he holds my gaze. "I'm truly sorry that I couldn't keep my promise to you," Cole whispers before he opens the door and walks out of the room.

I bury my face into my hands and weep.

He's starting to remember, and the fact he's putting us through this, knowing he made me a promise like that, kills me even more.

I was so scared that I would lose our baby, and I had to go through that scare without him. Granted, he was the cause of it, but I needed my Cole, the man I love telling me everything was going to be okay, that our little princess will be all right, but he wasn't there, and he never will be again.

I made a promise to God, if he keeps her safe until she's ready to be born, I will put all the love I have for Cole into my baby girl. I will love her enough for both of us. I will not let Cole and that bitch be the reason I lose my baby. I'm living for her and her alone from this day on.

My midwife wanted to keep me in for the night to ensure the medication they gave me to stop the early labour was working.

* * *

The following day,Aimee, Jo, and I went back to mine and Cole's place while he was at work to pack up my things. I was worried he would have been there, but he wasn't. It broke me walking back into that house; we have so many memories tied to this home. I thought we would raise our family and grow old together in this house, but I guess I was wrong.

"You okay?" Jo inquires, hugging me from behind, resting her chin on my shoulder while she rubs my bump. I nod sadly and wipe away the endless tears that roll down my cheeks.

"It's just so hard to face that this is my life. We walked into this house so happy, and a couple of months later, I'm leaving more devastated and broken than I have ever been." I confess, looking at our photo above the fireplace. "I hate him."

"I wish that were true, babe, but we all know you're going to love that idiot forever. I just can't believe this is all happening." Aimee sighs, looking around the house glumly while shaking her head.

"You and me both," I whisper, staring at our wedding photo. The more I looked at it, the angrier I got. I walk to the kitchen, take out a kitchen knife from the block on the island, and stride over to the picture.

"Shay?" Jo mutters, watching me as I angrily rip the picture off the wall and drive the blade straight through Cole's face and drag it down.

"That's what you did to my heart!" I shout, stabbing the photo over and over again. "How could you do this to me! How?!" I wail, dropping the knife and tearing the picture apart with my hands. "I hate you! I HATE YOU!" I scream and fight Aimee off me when she tries to hug me. "NO!" I sob sorrowfully. I yank every photo of us hanging on the walls and tear them apart angrily. "I loved you more than anything!" I weep as I pick up a vase and hurl it against the wall where another picture of us smiling happily was hanging. “Go…go and be happy with her! I’m going to rip you out of my heart, just like you did to me! YOU’RE DEAD TO ME!” I scream, curling my fingers in my hair while sobbing.

I fall into Aimee's chest when she wraps her arms around me. “I hate him. I hate him!” My body shook with raspy sobs, my cries echoing in the walls of what was once our home. "My heart is shattered. How am I going to survive this?" I whimper while Aimee and Jo sit on the floor, holding me.

"You'll find the strength for your baby girl, the day you hold her in your arms for the first time you're going to love her so much she's going to piece your heart back together again slowly," Jo tells me, stroking my hair as I continue to cry.

"It hurts. He's ripped apart my heart and left me for dead. I wish more than anything that I could erase all my memories of him because I'm slowly and painfully dying Jo, I'm DYING!" I wail, holding my aching chest.

The girls cry with me while they watch me fall apart yet again.

"Shayla, I know this is hard, but you have to pull yourself together. This isn't good for you or the baby. Think about Alaia." Aimee says, brushing her fingers through my hair, and I shake my head.

I lift my gaze to look at her, "Aimee." I whimper.

Aimee nods in understanding, wiping away my tears, and presses her forehead to mine. "I know, babe, you're devastated, I know. " She sighs sadly. "Come on. You can't be here, Shay. Jo, get her out of here. I'll pack your things, okay?"

I nod and peer up at Jo, "I want my mum. Take me to my mum." I sniffle, and Jo nods, wiping away my tears with her fingers.

"Okay, come on." She helps me up as we walk to the door to leave the house. "Aimee, how are you going to get home?"

"I'll call Josh, don't worry about me. Take care of Shay." She contends, waving us off. Jo and I walk to the car. I get in and rest my head against the window.

Why does this keep happening to me? What have I done to deserve this? Am I such a horrible person? I've never hurt anyone in my life to be punished like this.

I just don't understand.

If I weren't pregnant, I don't know how I would have coped. The way I'm feeling right now, I would have swallowed a bottle of pills and ended it all because I can't take much more. I just can't--I have nothing left. Cole's wrecked me beyond repair. I just want this pain to stop. Every breath I take feels like it's choking the life out of me. And the more I think about him with her, happy, while I'm hurting, the more I feel like dying.

---