Page 108 of Love Me Again

“Are you sure about this?”

“Yes.”

Cole and I stare at one another for a beat before he nods and turns his gaze to Josh, who watches us silently, a stoic look on his face.

“The last thing we want to do is set you back, Shayla. You’ve been pushing yourself too hard. Do you really think you’re ready for this? What if it triggers you, and you go right back to the state you were in?” Josh questions, concerned, pulling his knees to his chest. I look at him and wipe the sweat that had gathered above my top lip.

“I have to do this. Otherwise, what am I killing myself for?” I utter, looking between him and Cole, who share a look. “What am I fighting for if it’s not to face my fears.”

“The trials will start next week, baby. You’re going to face them there. Don’t put yourself in a position where you’ll be vulnerable before you take that stand.” Cole voices, reaching over and rubbing my ankle. We just finished another training session, and we were sitting in the middle of the boxing ring, having a discussion.

“Cole, I’m ready.” I press, holding his gaze so he could see my determination. “Can you make it happen or not?” I ask them both, and Cole nods with a heavy sigh.

“Yes. We can make it happen if this is really what you want. If it’s going to help you put this nightmare behind you, I will do everything in my power and put you in a room with them so you can face them.” Cole states, and Josh nods slowly, though neither of them looked pleased about it.

“Good. Do it.” I mutter and push myself up to stand. Cole and Josh look up at me, and I catch the concern in their gaze. “If I'm going to bounce back from this and put this to bed, I need to face my fears, and I can’t do that because they’re locked away with them.” I roll my sore neck and sigh. “They need to see that they didn’t break me.” I point out before I climb out of the ring and jump off.

Cole and Josh stand and climb out of the ring too. “We’ll make it happen,” Cole says and brushes a kiss to my sweaty temple. I turn my head and lift my gaze to him, and he looks into my eyes.

“Thank you,” I whisper, and he holds my gaze, and his lips twitch a little. We hear Josh groan from beside us.

“All right, kids, you two are at it again with the intense stares. I’m out of here. Shay, you’re kicking arse, girl. If I’m late for dinner again, Aimee with chew mine out and hand it to me. Lock up before you go.” He says before he grabs his gym bag and walks to the exit. Cole and I mutter a bye and wave him off as he walks out.

“Shall we head out?” Cole asks, those emerald green eyes looking over my face intently. I bite the inside of my cheek thoughtfully. Things have been real tense between Cole and me the last couple of months. We’re both frustrated, sexually and emotionally. I have desires and urges now that I didn’t have before, but what felt natural before feels wrong to me now. I feel like I don’t deserve to have these urges anymore, and I’m scared of what will happen if I do get intimate with Cole. Does he still want me as he used to? Will I feel different to him now? Will he enjoy it knowing those animals have tainted me. I’m still crazy about him and still want him, but I don’t know how to express myself anymore because I don’t feel sexy or attractive. I don’t want him to touch me and think about them while doing so.

I’m driving myself crazy with this, and I don’t know what to do. I miss him. I miss us. I miss me and how I used to be. It’s been four months, and we’ve not even kissed. I can see he wants to, but he’s just as scared as I am, and neither of us will make a move. That’s what Josh meant about the intense stares. It's happening more and more frequently, and I feel like I'm back to when we first started living together all over again. My mind is in disarray, and I can’t seem to make sense of anything.

“No,” I answer after I realise that he had asked me a question, and I was just staring at him while my mind was running amuck. “Let’s train a little longer. Is that okay?” I question, and he nods slowly.

“Sure. But are you not tired? You’ve pushed yourself quite a bit today.” Cole points out, and I shake my head.

“Are you afraid you’ll get your arse kicked by a girl half your size, Hoult?” I ask with a smirk, and his eyebrows go up in surprise. It’s been a while since we’ve made flirtatious remarks at one another and his lips curl into an amused smile while he stares down into my upturned face.

“The way you’ve been training, you best believe I am.” He replies, his eyes on mine. “But I’ll let you kick my arse all day, every day, baby, and enjoy every second of letting you do it.”

I lean in close, holding his gaze. “Oh, will you now?”

Cole smirks devilishly and licks his lips. “Mhm, you’re fierce, and I love it.” He whispers, walking around me until he was behind me. “It’s sexy as fuck.” He murmurs in my ear, and my insides clinch when I hear my attacker's voice instead of Coles. I squeeze my eyes shut and push the images away and release a slow breath while I keep reminding myself it was Cole. It was Cole’s lips brushing against my ear like he has many, many times before. He grabs me, wrapping his arms around my neck suddenly, and I open my eyes and remember the months of gruelling training I’ve had with Josh.

“Every instinct will tell you to be afraid, you’ll freeze, and for a moment, your fear will take over, and you’ll forget everything you’ve learnt. You’ll want to panic...don’t. Your training is all up here.” Josh told me, tapping at his temple while he held me down by the throat. “Push aside that crippling fear and fight back.”

I place my hands on Cole’s forearms around my neck and pull as he tightens his grip and drags me back. I step forward and twist my body quickly and pivot out of his hold before I swipe my leg and take his legs out from under him, and he falls back on the mat with a grunt.

“Fuck.” He chuckles, looking up at me. I step over him, each foot on either side of him, and look down with a smile while he peers up at me proudly. Cole leans up and grabs me by the waist, and pins me down on the floor, straddling me with my arms pinned to the ground. “I’ve got you now.” He drawls, smirking arrogantly.

“Do you?” I chuckle and thrust my hips up and pull my arms down swiftly, causing him to fall forward and let go of my arms to brace himself before his face hits the floor. I grab his torso and hug him tight before I use my arm to fold his, forcing him to roll onto his back and straddle him. Cole groans and grins looking up at me.

“If you wanted to be on top so bad, all you had to do is ask, baby.” Cole teases me, and I smile, leaning down close to his face.

“Where’s the fun in that?” I ask softly while looking over his handsome face, and he bites his lip, watching me closely before his eyes drift down to my lips as I pant softly.

“If you want control, baby, you better be prepared to take what you want.” He whispers, looking up at me. I swallow hard, and we stare at one another heatedly. Coles hands come up and hold my hips. My heart starts to race the closer our lips inch together. I stop just before our lips touch, and he stills, making no move, watching me, waiting patiently to see if I’ll close the gap and kiss him or pull away. I keep my eyes open and force myself to close the gap and kiss him. My eyes close the moment our lips touch, and he moans throatily.

Cole lets me control the pace of the kiss; his hands remain on my hips, thumbs stroking the exposed skin just above the hem of my yoga bottoms. I drag my tongue lazily along his bottom lip, and he parts his lips with a throaty groan, giving me access to deepen the kiss. The kiss starts off slow but grows hotter, dirtier while our tongues duel as we continue to kiss hungrily. I hadn’t noticed Cole’s hands travelled from my hips and was now curled in my hair while his mouth ardently attacks mine.

We pull apart, only to fill our lungs with desperately needed air. Foreheads pressed together, panting to catch our breaths. “You okay?” Cole breathes, dropping soft, affectionate kisses on my jaw.

“Yeah.” I nod, and he smiles a little, brushing his fingers through my hair.

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