Page 32 of Billionaire and the Barista

I wasn’t sure if I would call Nathan a nice man, but I wasn’t about to tell Robbie that his father abandoned me and didn’t know about him. I was going to have to tell Nathan he had a son eventually. If he kept coming around Love Buns the way he had been recently, he was bound to encounter Robbie. And then he would have to know, have to meet him.

I hoped Nathan would be as thrilled to meet Robbie as Robbie would be to meet him. I prayed I wasn’t telling Robbie a lie.

“Is his name Robbie too?”

“No.” I shook my head. “You aren’t named after him. You’re named after my father.”

“Grandpa Rose?”

“Yeah, Robert Rose. It’s a good name,” I said.

“Is he gone for a job too?”

I kissed Robbie on the brow. “You need to go to sleep. Grandpa and Grandma Rose are in heaven. They went there long before you were born.”

“Will they come back? If my daddy can come back, can’t they?” Robbie crawled out of my lap and put his head on his pillow.

“Unfortunately, they cannot come back from heaven.” I pulled his blankets up to his chin.

“I forgot,” he said with a big yawn. He closed his eyes and fell asleep.

I brushed his dark hair away from his brow. “That’s okay baby. I remember for both of us.”

I wished I could forget, but that was something that would never leave me. I missed my parents. They would have been so disappointed in me, for getting pregnant the way I did. But they would have loved Robbie.

I waited outside his bedroom door for a few minutes to make sure he was asleep. I wished I could fall asleep as easily. Some days were harder than others. I had the feeling that tonight's insomnia and my inner worries and sadness were going to keep me up late tonight.

I did my nighttime ablutions and put on cozy pajamas before heading to the kitchen to make some hot chocolate. I tried to drink tea, but it never had the soothing effect on me so many people swore about it. Hot chocolate, now that was soothing. Rich, creamy, it was like a warm hug with just enough sweetness.

I took my hot chocolate and curled up on the couch. My mind wandered to my parents’ memory. I missed them, but I thought they would be proud of the woman I had become. I was raising a beautiful, wonderful boy and kept Love Buns running, successfully.

Robbie asked me hard questions tonight. They brought up memories I’d rather have not dealt with. It was hard enough facing Nathan on a daily basis. I needed to face up to the fact, I enjoyed seeing him. I loved that he came and parked himself in the seating area waiting for me to talk to him.

But did it mean to him? Was he just there to mock me, or was he serious every time he asked me out?

I had wanted to be over him so much. Wanted the sharp pain of his absence to dull the way missing my parents every day had started to. The corners of that pain were starting to round off. But the corners of my pain over Nathan felt as if they had been sharpened.

Maybe I needed to go out with him. See what his motivation was. Did I want Nathan back in my life? I didn’t want to be a local hook-up, available at his convenience. But now Robbie wanted to meet his father and I had told him he would. Why had I said that? I was making promises to Robbie I didn’t even know if I would be able to fulfill.

What was I doing? I stared into my empty cup. I didn’t remember drinking it at all. I got up and walked to the kitchen. I rinsed my mug and put it in the dishwasher. I finished loading it, squeezed in detergent, and started the wash cycle. Why couldn’t problems be solved as easily as loading and running the dishwasher? Dirty dishes go in, clean ones come out. Suddenly I had clarity. The answer came to me. At least one of the answers I needed did. The next time Nathan asked me out, I would agree to go out with him.

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