Page 19 of Game Changer

Chapter8

Buckie

As the end credits of our sixth episode of Parks and Recreation roll, Zara stirs beside me. She fell asleep three episodes back and I haven’t wanted to disturb her, and I now have numb arse cheeks.

“Hey,” she croaks. “How long have I been asleep?”

“About an hour and a half.” I pause the show.

“God I’m sorry.” She sits up and stretches her arms up, twisting her back and shoulders, her long blonde hair swinging at her back.

As I watch her, I fall more in love with her, and all it’s doing is making me feel uneasy. She's beautiful and I've always thought she was a little bit out of my league. The way she holds herself, that air of confidence she has makes her a bit of an enigma. I have to try to respect her wishes although it's going to take an iron will. My feelings don't count. If I betray her trust, I'll lose her as a friend forever and I couldn't live with that.

“I didn’t have the heart to wake you. You were so peaceful, and you were keeping me warm. I wasn’t exactly complaining.”

“I didn’t sleep that great last night,” she says yawning as she lays her head down on my chest.

I put my arm round her and cuddle her in close. “How come? Was your bed not comfortable? I wish you’d said, there are about six other bedrooms.”

“No the bed was perfect. It’s… oh it was nothing. I was overthinking about work.”

I know she’s lying. I twist my head so that she has to look up at me, those beautiful bright eyes sparkling in the light from the screen.

“Huh.”

She narrows her eyes at me. “What?”

“Liar liar, pants on fire.”

“Buckie don’t,” she warns, turning her gaze back to the paused screen.

“Okay.”

I play the show and we watch for less than a minute before Zara sits up and huffs at me.

“Fuck this shit Buckie.”

I hit pause again and sit back from her. “Mind filling me in here?”

“This is such a mess. We’ve made such a mess of our lives by doing what we did for all those years.”

“What do you mean? I thought you wanted a simple relationship. You didn’t complain back then. And anyway, why are you bringing this up now? I’ve told you I’ll respect your wishes. I know you don’t want to go back down that road again. I promised you I would leave the past in the past.”

“Because I bloody love you. I always have, but I didn’t realise it until you left. You know that saying, you don’t know what you’ve got till it’s gone?”

I don’t know what to say to her. All this time I thought what I felt was one sided. It broke my heart to leave her, but had I known, I’d have had a harder time leaving. And now I know that’s why she never told me.

“Say something? Fuck, please say something Buckie. I’m freaking out right now.”

I stare at her, the light from the screen illuminating the side of her face. And my heart breaks for her knowing how much I’ve hurt her by not staying in touch as much as I should have.

“Shit Zara. This is fucked up.”

She looks horrified and darts off the seat before I can say anything else. “Seriously not the response I was hoping for, but thanks. You’ve made this easier for me.” She storms up towards the door and I give chase, catching her by the wrist. I spin her round before she can leave the cinema room.

“Zara wait. Let me explain.”

She wrenches her arm out of my grasp. “You’ve said all you need to. I’ll get my things, and I’ll be gone.”

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