Page 94 of Last Love

Presley

Discussion Topic 12: You Are Not Baggage Proof

I stretch my legs out in front of me, back leaning against one side of the patio couch. “How is it you always pick the worst time to travel, Katherine?”

“You sound like my husband, darling,” she snickers from the other end of the phone. “Although, I will say his reasons for missing my presence usually revolve around an item he can’t find. Cufflinks. Dress shoes. The remote.”

It’s my turn to laugh.

“I know you don’t need me to tell you where pieces of your wardrobe are,” my best friend teasingly begins, “so what’s going on? You're up much too early for a woman who was evidently in meetings all day yesterday.”

The confession that creeps out is quiet, “I haven’t exactly been to sleep yet.”

“You don’t sound like it’s because of a hot and fiery night,” she clarifies without hesitation. “You and Collins have a fight?”

“Fight. More fighting. Some sort of makeup and then just lots of tears.”

“Did you…,” this time there is reluctance to go on, “breakup?”

“God, no.” My head swiftly shakes in spite of the fact she can’t see it. “That is just one card I never see being played again.”

“Then why all the tears?”

“His friend – the one I didn’t know anything about – well, she overdosed yesterday.”

“She.”

“Yes.”

“And I take it the initial fighting was about her?”

“And me seeing Xander.”

“By choice?”

“Sort of? He scheduled an appointment to see me, we went to lunch where I not so gently explained why we would’ve never worked out-”

“Did that fuck up his hard drive again?”

“-how I’m not who he thinks I am, and then encouraged him to do some soul searching-”

“Shopping.”

“-of his own. It was kind of nice just to hang out as friends.”

“Well, darling, some exes can and do remain friends. It is your choice if that’s the route you’d like to take; however, perhaps discuss with your partner their feelings on the topic, too? You have quite a tendency since your unliberated relationship with Xander of just making all the important decisions rather than truly trying to let both of you have a say?”

Guilt slinks me down into my seat. “Would you also assess, doctor, that I have begun behaving as though I don’t need anyone’s help for anything?”

“Yes.”

Ugh.

I knew I shouldn’t have fucking called her.

“But to a degree, darling, it is slightly expected. You spent most of your adult life trying to establish your own self-reliance. You wanted a business. You wanted to be your own boss. You dated Xander someone who wasn’t going to challenge either of those things. You non-verbally stated very clearly from a very early point that you didn’t need anyone, but you. Hell, even letting me handle dinners and drinks and shopping – despite how much money you know my family has – is an ongoing war that I swear to the iced-latte Goddess that I will one day win.”

A tiny smirk tugs at my lips.

“Do I think that your Miss Forever Independent behavior is completely conscious? No. From a professional standpoint and observation, I would state it’s simply you overcompensating for being so dependent on someone in your past that you refuse to feel that helpless again, but as your friend…the person you most likely called for advice this early on Saturday, I would say it’s because you’re afraid of giving anyone the power to hurt you like Collins did when you were younger. The truth is, darling, you hurt those that love you by not letting them do their part because they then don’t feel like you trust them. And no one likes that feeling.”

Sheepishly apologizing is all I can, “I’m sorry.”

“It doesn’t bother me because I know it’s not on purpose, but I am sensing someone else is hurting from this behavior. Have you apologized to them?”

My silence reveals a deafening answer.

“Ah. How about you end this call, avoid the bagel you’re daydreaming about, and try that?”

“He’s probably still sleeping.” I toy with the baggy Dalvegan Dragons hockey shirt he sometimes works out in. “The death of his friend took a pretty hard toll on him that I don’t think he was expecting.”

“This is quite a fragile turning point in his life, darling, so please be gentler with him and gentler with you than you typically would.”

I nod and for some reason feel as though she can see it.

“Good.” There’s a small shuffling sound followed by a sigh. “Now, I’m going to go shower. I smell like chlorine and over-priced ginger ale.”

“Don’t forget to bring me back one of those little double decker London busses.”

“You and Angel both. I know.”

We giggle, say our love you’s, and mutually end the call.

I slide my phone away with another defeated feeling.

How is that I was so worried about not turning into that needy, groveling teenager again that I started to act like the very person I left?

Oh, irony?

Is that you again?

Go fuck yourself, please.

All of a sudden, Ry cautiously approaches around the couch. “Hey you…”

“Hi you…”

His lips tug upwards towards the early morning sky.

“Wasn’t expecting you up so soon.”

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