Page 40 of Since Always

"More," she gasps, and I oblige, pushing my hand into her as my mouth consumes her. Her body is tightening.

“Owen, please. I want you."

She whimpers when I push back from her. I stand up but keep eye contact, wanting to see the craven animal she has turned into in front of me. She slides her hand down her abdomen to touch herself, but I reach down and catch it.

"No," I say. "Only I touch you tonight."

"Then touch me," she growls.

I release her to grab my wallet out of my pants pocket and pull out a condom, ripping it open and reaching down to put it on. I haven't touched my dick yet, and it jerks at the sensation now.

I lower myself to hover above her, careful not to touch any part of her.

"Cassidy Jane Sloane," I say. The wine and champagne are making this all a little more heightened, but I want to say it. I want to remember who it is beneath me. She is not the girl I once knew. She is the woman I know now. The woman I have dreamed of, fantasized about, and tried-in vain-to deny.

"Owen Daniel Blaze," she whispers back.

"We can't go back from here," I say. "If we do this. We can't undo it."

She leans up to kiss me, and this time it is soft.

"I want you inside me," she says as she pulls back, holding my face next to her own. The dam breaks.

I ease inside her, letting her adjust to me. She moans, and I feel like doing the same. She feels incredible around me; so goddamn tight. I move forward to suck on her nipple as she wraps her legs around my back, bringing me closer.

"Oh God," she says, and it is more than I can take. I begin to thrust inside her, as my mouth tries to consume every part of her I can reach. She trails her lips over my skin, biting down in some places and kissing softly in others, keeping me on my toes. The way she always does.

I draw back up on the bed, grabbing her legs and holding them out, allowing myself to drive down deeper into her. Her entire body responds.

"Oh fuck," she cries, closing her eyes as her hands grasp at the sheets. I push inside a few more times before drawing out.

“What—" she says, her eyes jolting open.

"Get on me,” I say, grabbing her and pulling her up as I lay down. She smiles as she climbs on top of me. She is a goddess and I am not worthy of this. Her breasts swinging in front of my face, her head thrown back in the ecstasy I have dreamed of seeing, since that night, as she glides up and down me. I grasp her ass hard, my fingers digging into her skin. If this is my destruction, then fuck if I’m not ready to be destroyed.

"Oh, God, Owen," she says as she rides me harder, driving down on me, her body clenching up.

"You are beautiful.” I can't think about anything else right now.

She leans to take my lips hard with her own as our hips continue to move together. I can sense the change in her breathing; she is getting close.

"Come for me, Cass," I whisper in her ear. "My Cass."

Her breath catches and a low animalistic groan escaping her. Her body shudders as I hold her closer, diving deeper and harder into her as she spasms around me. It is heaven and I can't hold on any longer myself. I cling to her tightly and thrust one final time. I release myself inside her and let my body sink back on the bed. She collapses on top of me.

We lie in each other's arms for a long time. She drifts off, despite the noise of the party trickling in from under the door. We should get up and go back to the crowd—I wouldn't want anyone to take notice of our synchronized disappearances, but I can't make myself move for a long time. I also can't stand the thought of waking her. I watch her as she sleeps, studying her face in a way I have seldom allowed myself to.

Of course, I don't have to. I know her face, know it better than I know just about any other. I have watched over time as it matured, began wearing makeup, thinned with age and grief. And now, with her long eyelashes and full lips, and small, sharp nose, she has become angelic. Perfection.

I lean down and kiss her forehead, then sink back into the bed.

I know I should feel regret now, or disgust at what I've done. Or maybe just dread at what's to come.

But I don't feel any of those things. This incredible, intelligent, funny, and beautiful woman is lying naked in my arms. Just as I have dreamt of her being for so long. All I feel is contentment.

I fall asleep without realizing; when I wake up, a few hours have passed. I glance at the clock that now reads 3:24 am. The light that was on has been turned off, so I know Cass woke up at some point, but she is sleeping peacefully beside me again.

The music from upstairs is still going but plays softer now. There is still noise, but it is much fainter. I know, from years before, the remaining crowd will be mostly the younger guests, who leave as the sun comes up. Jessica and Jack and a few of their friends would always retreat to the library for an after-hours poker game that ran until long after most people had left and I wonder if she is continuing that tradition this year. I hope that she is.

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