Page 24 of Since Always

I can't say anything, and his gaze is too intense, so I stare down at my lap.

"Cassidy,” he says, his voice softer, lower now, “I am sorry. I'm so sorry for what I said to you that night. I have thought about it every single day for the past two years. You were hurting and lost, and I wanted to get through to you. I wanted to pull you out of it, because I hated seeing you there, but I should have never, ever said what I said. I'm sorry, sorry for it all.”

I shake my head, wiping my eyes. I can feel my face has turned crimson at the very mention of it all.

"You were right. It only hurt because you were right. And I'm the one who should be—it was all my fault," I say.

"No. You were twenty years old. You were spiraling, and I took advantage of..."

"I was almost 21. And you didn't take advantage of anything. I was fully aware of what I was doing. I may have been spiraling, but I thought I could lash out at you and hurt you and maybe make you see me differently. It was horrible. I didn't want to lose you. I shouldn't have done it. Or, maybe I shouldn't have stopped you. I didn't really want to, I just had to make my point."

I wish he would move closer. That he would take my hand or pull me into his arms to tell me it's all okay, but he doesn't move.

"Cass. You know you are like my little..."

"No, please don't say that. Not after...just please don't."

"You're right. I'm sorry. I don't mean it like that. You're not...fuck...I'm even screwing this up."

I look up at him, finally. He is staring at the blank screen, his face tight with anguish.

"Owen, I know you don't think of me like I wish you did. It's okay. Can we just move on from what happened and be friends?" My voice is breaking. I wait for him to say something, do something, but all he does is give me a slight nod, and I know this conversation is over.

We sit in silence for a moment, and then he presses play on the movie. We say nothing more for the next two hours, and when the film ends, he makes a quick goodbye and then he is gone.

I meet up with Lexi and the rest of the crew the next day. I am shaken after my conversation with Owen, but Lexi has me laughing within minutes of being around her, and I try to focus on Drew to get my mind off it. Here is a handsome man who is available and seems to be interested in me.

Lexi flashes me devilish looks each time she catches us talking and the couple of times I let him kiss me.

"Someone is getting laid tonight," she whispers to me at one point.

"Oh, really? How exciting for whoever that someone is."

We all grab food together and then head to one of the local bars. Our group is the only patrons, and we commandeer the small space. TVs sit behind the bar above the shelves of bottles, each showing a different game. The guys are all transfixed.

In the far back corner, there is an empty seating area. Some of the girls and I walk across the sticky floors to sit, telling the boys to bring us drinks.

Chris texts me to ask what I'm doing, not long after we arrive, and I fill him in on our location.

Chris: Great, we're coming over.

I groan.

"What?" Lexi asks, catching my annoyance.

"My brother is coming."

"Oh.." Emmy Windsor says, smiling. "Good. Your brother is hot. Is the Senator coming too? Because, no offense, Cass, Chris is hot, but Owen Blaze is..." All the girls make sounds I can only classify as swooning.

"Stop," I say, trying not to sound as annoyed as I feel. "That's my brother and his best friend. You guys are creepy."

"Oh, shut up," Lexi says, rolling her eyes. "This from the girl who used to tell me on the reg how she was going to marry Owen Blaze when she grew up."

"I was a kid," I protest.

"So, you are saying you would not have sex with him?" Emmy says, smiling and cocking an eyebrow.

I roll my eyes at her, and am grateful when the drinks come, saving me from having to outright lie to them.

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