Page 23 of Since Always

"You have plans tonight?" he asks. It is short and gruff, as though he is asking because it is obligatory.

"No." Both Drew and Lexi have been texting me all night saying I should join them later, at the club, but I am not in the mood. I told them both I am hanging with my family, and that maybe I'd see them tomorrow.

"I was thinking about a movie in the theater room. Want to join me? Old-fashioned movie night?" He says it so casually I want to scream. So, I guess now we are going to be friends again? Great.

I have known this man my entire life. I can't figure out how he could still be this confusing to me.

Becca texts as I change into pajamas and head downstairs for a movie.

Becca: Just wanted to make sure you hadn't skied into a tree.

Me: Alive and well. You working?

Becca: Yeah. Night shoots until 4am. You hooked up with Owen yet or is he avoiding you like the plague?

Becca is the only person in the world I told about what happened on that trip two years ago, and she's never quite let me forget it.

Me: We're okay. I think? Hot and cold. We're about to watch a movie together.

Becca: Alone?

Me: Yeah.

Becca: Oh. Enjoy the sex.

"I made popcorn and brought you hot sauce for it," he says, walking in behind me. I move so quickly to make sure he doesn't see my phone that I drop it, and he laughs. "If you still eat it like that, you weirdo."

"You're missing out," I say, compiling myself and grabbing the bowl from him as I climb into my usual overstuffed chair. Owen takes the one beside me where my mom usually sits. I try not to read much into it, knowing it would be weird for him to sit far away.

"I loaded up Good Will Hunting. You know, for old times' sake," he says, and I remember all the times we used to watch it when I was younger. "We can change it, if you want."

"No, that's perfect. I haven't seen it in forever."

He nods, and reaches for the remote that controls the projector, but hesitates for a moment, and then turns to me and stops.

"Hey, I have a question," he says. "I've been thinking about this for a couple days but I wasn't sure if we were in...I guess an okay enough place to ask you."

My chest tightens, nervous at what he is about to say. "Shoot."

"Cass, do you want to work at Sloane when you graduate?"

I sink back in my chair, relieved that's all he's asking me, and chuckle. "I mean, I've known that's what I was going to do since I was like eight, so I don't know if it's so much about 'want.'"

"It's your life, so it should be about what you want."

"Well, I guess what I want is to help the family. I want to make Chris happy. I want my dad to be proud of me, you know, wherever he is."

There is too much weight in that sentence, but I try to sound light as I say it.

Do you have any idea how fucking disappointed he would be in you, Cassidy? How ashamed he would be?

His old words sit heavy around us.

"Cassidy," he says, clearing his throat. "I knew your dad well. You were the sunshine in his life. He used to watch you run around, playing with a smile on his face wider than I ever saw at any other point. He'd say, 'Look at how happy she is,' and just beam with joy. I think that's all he ever wanted for you."

I say nothing, but my eyes sting from tears I won't let fall.

"He's proud of you," he continues. "They all are. We all are. You went through hell, and you were in a shitty place, and you've come out of it determined to make a good life. As someone who took a hell of a lot longer to come out of my own darkness, I can't tell you how admirable that is."

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