Page 86 of Since Always

"Hm, well, I'm sorry to hear that. I don't know the situation or what you guys went through, but all I can tell you is what I know as a man who has been married to the greatest woman in the world for the last eighteen years. If there is any way to get past those things...do it, man. There's nothing like it—being with a woman you love for years on end. When you know each other better than anyone and she gives you children. I know I sound sappy, but fuck, that woman is my entire world. I literally can't think of anything that there could have been between us at the beginning that would have been worth missing what we've had."

I can't help but grin at the picture of life he paints. "You're a lucky guy, Russell."

"Don't I know it. Just fix it, man. Honestly. Make some grand gesture. Show up for her somehow in a big way."

"You make it sound so easy. I wish it was."

Grand gestures will not fix our problems. But, even as I think it, I realize that there is someone who needs to show up for her.

Sloane Technologies is headquartered in the Denver Tech Center. It is a part of the city known as the home to several international and domestic businesses. The company's many buildings sprawl across several acres and are filled with over 15,000 employees. Chris's office is smaller than I imagine most people would expect, but features impressive floor-to-ceiling windows overlooking the campus and offers a sweeping view of the Rocky Mountain Front Range. It is a sunny spring day outside; the last of the winter snow is melting off the ground, though the mountain peaks still stand white against the blue sky. He looks up at me, startled, as I step inside; I had asked his receptionist if I could sneak in unannounced.

"Hey," I say. He pauses briefly, but then turns back to his computer and continues typing. "Look, I know you don't want to talk to me, but I'm not here for me, I'm here for Cass."

"Well, I certainly don't want to talk to you about Cass," he says, not looking up.

"I get that. But you've got to end this shit between you, C."

At this, he finally stops typing and looks up. "I've got to? Is this you telling me how to react?"

"You know what? You need to grow up." I sit in the chair across from him, though he has given me no sign he wants me to do so. "You're acting like a child. Cassidy did nothing to you. Your anger with me, I get. But she did nothing wrong, Chris. We were around each other a lot over the years, and she developed feelings. None of that has anything to do with you."

"And then she left me to run our family's company. Alone. While she sits pretty on the inheritance this company has afforded her."

"No. I don't buy it. That can't be what this is all about. I know it's been hard for the last couple of years, but you love this company. You love this job—you don't get to pretend to me you don't, because I know you better than that. As stressful as it is, and as much as you've had thrown on your plate, if someone offered to take over tomorrow, would you do it?"

"No. Because I have loyalty."

"If you weren't running this business, you would run another one. You are Jack Sloane's son. Pretty much a carbon copy of the man, if we're being honest. It's who you are, and you love it, no matter what you say. Cass isn't you. She doesn't love it. You want her to spend her life stuck in a job she doesn't enjoy? In a life she doesn't enjoy? How can you love her and want that for her?"

I see it. Just a flicker. The guilt.

"I know you don't. I also know you and Cass. When you get together, you revert to the roles you've played your entire lives. You bicker like goddamn teenagers. And this?" I gesture towards him. "This is immature and beneath you. Your sister isn't giving up her role here to go piss away Daddy's money on shoes. She wants to do something else with her life. You haven't lost her, but you almost did once. She fought like hell to stick around and pull herself out of the place she was in, and when she graduates next week, I think you should be there to celebrate that. Are you planning on going?"

"I wasn't, no. And what about you? Will you be there to celebrate her?"

"No."

"So you two..."

"I haven't spoken to her since the day we went and saw Mark. It's...easier if we just don't talk at all."

He studies my face for a long minute, and I truly have no idea what he is thinking.

"Have you...moved on?"

I sigh and lean forward, resting my shoulders on his desk.

"No, Chris. I haven't. And I probably won't for a while. It's not quite that easy. But you don't get to hold that against me. I stopped seeing her. I can't just snap my fingers and make my feelings go away."

"That's not why I was asking. I'm just surprised. It's not like you to not be hooking up with someone. It’s not like you to get caught up on a woman.”

"Yeah, well. It is what it is."

He is quiet again.

"I don't know if I can go. But you should," he says, finally.

"What do you..."

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