Page 54 of Since Always

"Great," I mumble. He gives me a sad smile.

"I mean it."

"Do you regret the past couple of days?" I blurt out, though I'm not sure what even compelled me to ask.

"No. I absolutely do not regret a moment of the past couple of days. It has been...God, being with you has been perfect. Do you regret it?"

I don't hesitate before shaking my head. How could I ever regret him?

"Even though it hurts now?" He asks.

"That's life, right? You can't avoid the hurt without completely missing everything worth living for."

"You are too smart for your age," he says, leaning down to kiss me softly, one last time, and then he turns to grab his bags. "I'll tell them I ran into you and we said goodbye."

I can't speak, so I nod.

"Goodbye, Cassidy,” he says. Then he is gone.

I spend the rest of the night in bed, texting my mom to say I have another migraine. I know she's going to worry about my health, but I can't make myself care. He texts me a few times that afternoon, making sure I am okay, and I tell him I am fine. It's not true, of course. The truth is: I am fighting the urge to pick up the phone and beg him to reconsider, to stop this.

But I won't.

Once I know everyone else in the house has gone to bed, I move from my room to his, grasping at some way to feel close to him. I climb in between the sheets and let the ghost of his memory wrap itself around me until I fall asleep.

The next two days are mostly the same. I make excuse after excuse, eventually telling my mom I must have come down with something. She dotes on me, bringing soup to my room and checking my temperature to make sure I don't have a fever.

"I'm fine," I keep telling her. "I just need some rest."

She sits on the edge of my bed and frowns.

"What?" I say.

She shakes her head, stroking my hair. "Nothing, I just...I hate to see you like this."

I text both Becca and Lexi, updating them on the situation. Becca tries to call me right away, but I send it to voicemail. She messages me instead.

Becca: I know you are hurting. As soon as you get back, I am coming over with ice cream. I love you.

Lexi texts back to ask if she can stop by the house before she leaves, but I tell her I am not up to it. She says she will call me from New York, and she is going to try to make it to Denver for my birthday party next month. The thought of celebrating something feels so distant now that I can't even make myself respond. How could there be a day coming when I will not feel the weight of this crushing pain?

CHAPTER 18

Owen

I don't have time to think about much when I get back to DC. Since I have cut my return close to the start of the session, I am immediately thrown back into work. On my first day back in the office, my meetings and calls are non-stop. I am grateful for the distraction. On the flight back, I couldn't do anything but picture how Cass had looked as I said goodbye to her. Seeing the anguish on her face on a loop in my brain is too much to bear.

We have been texting a bit the past few days, but the texts have been short, and fairly impersonal. Mostly, it has been me checking in to make sure she is doing okay. She keeps saying that she is fine. I know she's lying. I know, because I am far from fine myself.

Around 1:00 pm, I get a text from Dani Rodriguez.

Dani: You have dinner plans tonight?

Me: Oh, were you going home tonight? I think I will be here all night.

Dani: At least you guys don't have roll call today. We are voting on Speaker right now, and then rules. I'll be here all day. Please give me something to look forward to.

Me: Yeah, I'm in. Are you okay if we order in at my place? I am not really in the mood to go out and be seen.

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