Page 43 of Since Always

He sets the coffee down on the dresser beside him and grabs me, boosting me up. I wrap my legs around him and we kiss, long and hard. I can taste the coffee on his mouth, smell the cologne he has just put on, feel the hardness against my groin.

He walks to the bed, never breaking our kiss, and we fall onto it. He stops to look me in the eye like he is searching for something, but we never say a word.

Afterward, he spoons me and kisses me on the back. I know I shouldn't push it, that I should take what's happening and enjoy it, but I am bursting to talk to him about what's going on.

"Can I ask you something?" I say.

"Anything," he says.

I flip over to face him, taking a deep breath before I start.

"What is this?" I ask. "You and I?"

He sighs, though he looks as though he expected the question.

"I don't know. I really don't. I'm sorry. I know that's not the right answer."

"No, there's no right answer. I don't know either."

"Let's take it one day at a time, okay? We have today, tomorrow, and part of the next day before I leave. Let's enjoy that for now and then we will figure out what happens afterwards, okay?"

I nod, though the thought of him leaving and what happens next makes my heart crack open a bit. "Yeah. It's just hard, you know? To think after everything, and how much we both want this, these three days may be all we get."

"Yeah, I know," he says, a heaviness to his voice. "But if you knew for sure that was the case—if you knew these three days were it—would you still do it? Even if it meant it would hurt worse afterwards?"

I don't hesitate. "Yes. I would rather have three days with you, even if it's in secret. Even if it ends."

I can't read his expression, which is rare for me, but after a moment, he leans forward and kisses me on the tip of my nose.

"Me too."

After he leaves, I text Becca. It's 8:00 am in California now. I assume she will be asleep too.

Me: Um. A big thing happened

She surprises me by texting back right away.

Becca: You had sex with that guy??? Phoenix Hart's son?

Shit. Drew. I had forgotten all about him until this moment.

Me: No. Bigger. I did have sex. With Owen.

I know I should not be handing out receipts, but I trust my best friend and know this information will go nowhere.

Five seconds later, she is calling.

"Shut the fuck up." She screams into the receiver. "SHUT. THE. FUCK. UP. Tell me everything, every single detail right this second."

I fall back into my bed, my smile spreading from ear to ear, and oblige. She meets everything I say with squeals that get me excited all over again.

"I am happy for you, Cass," she tells me. "And please, don't overthink this. Just have fun, okay? You of all people deserve some goddamn fun."

"I will. I am. I promise."

When we hang up, I shoot Lexi a text to fill her in as well. I remember to ask how the rest of her night was and what happened to Drew. She does not respond right away, and I assume it will be several hours before she drags herself out of bed.

I find my mom and Owen sitting on the covered part of the patio when I head upstairs, the outdoor heaters on above them, drinking coffee and talking. It is snowing, which it hasn't done in several days, and there is a gentle peace to the morning that is in distinct contrast to the excitement of last night.

---