Page 30 of Harbor (The Wanderers 3)

“God no. Never been pregnant. Never will be. I’m not meant to be a mom.”

He squeezed her hand. “Sometimes people get pregnant even if they don’t intend to.”

She chuckled low and deep. “Not if they don’t have sex.”

He flinched, his hand stiffening.

She let him ponder that statement, hoping he understood her meaning.

It took him several seconds before he moved even an inch. “I realize I’m on a very bumpy roller coaster ride this week. I’ve gone back and forth thinking perhaps you might be interested in me…” he cleared his throat, “…in us… In the three of us. But uh…”

“I know,” she responded softly. “And I’m sorry I let you believe we could ever be something together. That’s my fault. The truth is I’m not cut out to be in a relationship with anyone. It’s not in the cards for me.”

He rubbed the back of her hand with his thumb, keeping quiet for a long time. The only way she knew he was still awake was because his thumb never stopped moving. “I’m sorry about earlier,” he whispered. “I thought I was doing the right thing when I went to find Stuart. You were so upset, calling out to him in your sleep. I thought…”

She twisted to face him more fully. “It’s okay. I understand. You believe me now, right?” She wasn’t sure why it was so important for him to believe she wasn’t in a relationship with Stu since she had no intention of entering one with him or anyone else either, but it felt important.

“Yes.” He lifted her hand to his lips and kissed her knuckles.

She let him. It felt good. His touch always felt good. He gave her his full attention.

“Is it because of what happened to you?”

She knew exactly what he meant. “Yes,” she murmured. “Mostly.”

“I’m sure it was bad based on your nightmares. Maya…”

She swallowed back her emotions. “I just can’t. I mean I knew that. I’m not sure why I let you believe otherwise. It just felt so…nice. Letting you take care of me. No one has ever taken care of me. I don’t let them. I take care of myself.”

“That sounds so lonely.”

She shrugged. “You’re the first man, or uh, all of you really, to make me even consider breaking my vow.”

He chuckled. “Should I be flattered?”

“I don’t mean to sound… I don’t know. I don’t want you to get the wrong idea. I softened to you. That’s all. It felt good. Something long-dormant woke up for a moment. But it’s gone now.”

He flinched. “Why? Did something happen while I wasn’t here?”

She nodded.

He lifted his head to stare down at her, his brow definitely furrowed. “With Dario and Keanu?”

She could feel his pulse pick up. “Not like you’re thinking. It wasn’t their fault.”

“What happened?”

She signed. “I wanted to take a bath. I didn’t think it was a big deal. But as soon as Dario settled me in the water and propped my leg on the edge of the tub, I panicked.” She winced again at the memory and squeezed her thighs together.

“Because they could see your body?”

She licked her lips. “Because it made me feel exposed. My legs…parted I mean. I’ll never be able to let anyone get that close to me again. I’m broken, Advic. And that’s okay. I’ve come to terms with it. I live my life helping other people. It’s fulfilling. But it’s never going to be more. I just…can’t.”

“Baby…” His voice was so sweet and filled with so much raw emotion.

She pressed her lips together and dipped her head, not wanting to let her emotions take over. She didn’t want to cry. This wasn’t the time for tears. She needed to be strong and stick to her convictions.

“Maya…” He released her hand to slide his palm up her arm and cup her face. “That breaks my heart. You shouldn’t give up your life just because some assholes tried to break you. They didn’t break you. You’re still here. And you have your entire life ahead of you.”

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