Page 89 of Bad News Babe

“Do you mean my eyebrows or Tuesday’s fake-ass Florida plans?”

“Both.”

“Yes.”

Waving my hand dismissively, I announce, “Oh, well, then, I’m not playing that game.”

“But I’m really thinking of leaving for Florida,” Tuesday announces again.

“With that greasy bum?” Edith asks and snorts. “How long before you run back with an ugly baby in your belly?”

“Cubby isn’t ugly.”

“He’s not attractive.”

“He’s average for Tumbling Rock. You can’t compare men to our family, or they’ll always seem like dogs.”

“Whoof,” Juno says and smiles at her nails. “I’m with Tuesday on this one. We have to work with what’s available. How many guys like West exist around here?”

“Exactly one other,” Edith says immediately. “Val is essentially his twin.”

“Is he, though?” I ask, not really seeing it.

“Val’s hair is darker, but they basically have the same face and body. Trust me. I’ve seen them mugging for pictures before. They’re twins.”

Juno downs her ice tea and mumbles, “Well, they’re both out of my league, so I’ll settle for my goofy cutie.”

Tuesday taps her green-goop-covered temple. “You know, if Tripp went on a diet, worked out more, and stopped staring at the sun, he’d almost be a catch. I bet if he was in better shape, he could get patched into the club. Then, he’d have money. You wouldn’t be settling that way.”

“If Tripp changed that much, why would he want me?” Juno asks.

“You’re a catch,” Tuesday insists while Zelda shakes her head. “Be more supportive, bitchy sister.”

“I believe in honesty,” Zelda insists.

“She really does,” I add. “Like almost too much, really.”

Zelda nods at me. “People need to accept their limitations. No one’s getting their fairy-tale ending. Enough said.”

“But Alexis got swept off her feet by West,” Juno points out to her scowling sister. “That’s a fairy-tale ending, right there. And she’s a Toomey, so winning West is like a super-duper happy ending.”

“I’m the luckiest raccoon in all the kingdom!” I say, throwing my arms triumphantly in the air.

“Don’t gloat,” Juno mutters before smiling. “I support your happiness.”

“And I think Tripp could do okay without changing too much,” I reply, sharing her grin. “West said he would get your boy-toy regular errands to make money. Tripp just needs a small nudge toward a better life. Otherwise, he’s really sweet and better looking than other men around here.”

“It’s like you’re describing Cubby,” Tuesday says defiantly.

Zelda frowns. “Who is this guy exactly?”

“He’s from a rival club,” Edith explains. “Tuesday thinks dating him is a walk on the wild side. She’s taking that ‘blonde women are ditzy’ stereotype to heart.”

Tuesday’s bright eyes stare upward as if she’s looking for heavenly advice. “I want to feel the excitement of being claimed by a wild man.”

“Is he claiming you?” Edith asks.

“He said I should come with him if he goes.”

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