Page 83 of Bad News Babe

“Point is you can’t kill Alexis’s father. She somewhat likes him. And your kids will ask about their grandfather one day. You don’t want to have to lie about how you buried him. Best just to ignore the asshole.”

“I can hear everything you’re saying,” Gary announces and smiles at us. “Don’t mind it a bit. That’s how the Toomey clan rolls. We’re not emotional sorts.”

The collective eye roll on the porch nearly cracks the foundation. Afterward, I settle back into my chair before pulling up a picture of Alexis in her clown costume. She’s so beautiful, even when she looks a little horrifying.

“I love her so much,” I say, already expecting mockery.

“If I ever turn that pitiful,” Val announces, “dropkick my nutsack, will you?”

Jared chuckles. “It’ll be like the movie ‘Airplane’ where everyone lined up to take turns hitting the hysterical woman.”

“Leave my balls alone,” I tell them. “I want a redheaded rug rat named Ace or Bette.”

“Terrible names,” Val says and kicks my chair. “But have lots of kids. I’m thinking about skipping fatherhood, so I need you to pick up the slack.”

“Will do, little brother.”

“This is nice,” Gary says and stretches out his legs. “Family time is important. That’s what Alexis and I were missing by living over in Fork Falls.”

“Why live there and not around more Toomeys?” Court asks as Ike runs past us with Otto still chasing after him.

Gary shrugs. “Family time has its limits.”

“So, will you be leaving soon?” Val asks.

“I just got here today. Took me days to hitch all the way to Tumbling Rock. Got plenty of family to wear out my welcome with. No reason to leave yet.”

Still pissed from his big reveal, I offer, “I’ll pay you to go.”

“West,” Pa-Emmett mutters. “That’s not a good habit to get into. Then, he’ll show up any time he needs money.”

“Oh, I was planning on doing that, anyway,” Gary admits. “After hearing Alexis was doing well with her new job, I figured I’d check if she felt generous.”

When I open my mouth to give Gary hell, Pa-Emmett gestures for me to keep my mouth zipped. I decide to follow his lead since I’m feeling overly emotional, and he isn’t.

And logically, I’ll need to learn to live with Gary existing in the world. Alexis loves the guy, and he practically raised her. If she wants him to be a part of her life, I can’t deny my dream girl. Even if having him around will likely give me hemorrhoids.

---