Page 80 of Bad News Babe

My beefcake suddenly suffers from a modesty flare-up. “I don’t like this.”

“Okay,” I say and then announce, “West and I aren’t having sex. We’re waiting for marriage. That smell is from me masturbating alone while he read the Bible.”

Gary and my cousins chuckle while West shakes his head. He seems to be overdosing on Toomey vibes. If I hadn’t met his family, I’d think West grew up in a fancy-pants, sexually-repressive household where people apologized for burps and blamed farts on the pets. Having met them, though, I assume he just doesn’t like Gary.

“How long will you stay in Tumbling Rock?” I ask Gary while resting West’s hand on my bare thigh.

The beefcake biker loses focus once his fingertips enjoy my skin. Meanwhile, Gary stares at the ceiling and thinks about life.

“I’ll likely stay until I’m escorted from town.”

“Where will you sleep?” Zelda asks. “Here’s a hint, the answer will not be here.”

“No, I can’t intrude on you virginal girls and your prayer circles,” Gary says, winning snickers from the Toomeys in the room.

West stops fondling my leg long enough to frown at Gary. “Then, where will you bunk?”

“Plenty of Toomeys with places I can wear out my welcome at.”

“We don’t have food,” Zelda lies from her spot in the kitchen. “Do you have money to feed yourself?”

“I’ll bum around until someone feeds me. Don’t you worry yourself, Zelly.”

“Don’t call me that.”

“Zelly Belly isn’t your nickname anymore?”

I smile at how Gary pokes at Zelda. He does love tormenting women who’ll return fire. I learned to ignore everything he did unless I was in a bad mood and wanted a fight.

“You can have dinner at our house tonight,” West announces.

Frowning at him, I ask, “Why?”

“He should meet his future in-laws.”

Gary gives me a look that screams, “Your boyfriend’s a possessive stalker! Run, baby girl! Fly like the wind!” But he only nods.

“That would be real fine. Alexis sure did find herself a generous fella.”

Rolling my eyes at his bullshit, I’m relieved I got laid so recently. Without my body still riding that earlier orgasm, I’d be fussing over how Gary is on a collision course with the Mercers.

West’s plan is madness! Inviting a single Toomey is like leaving a garbage can open at night. He’s already tempted fate by having me over. Now, he’s opened a dumpster for Gary to rifle through.

Clearly suffering from a most massive brain fart, West chooses to double down on his reckless behavior by offering to feed the sisters tonight. If he keeps up this behavior, the homestead people will be overrun by raccoons. That’s not a happy ending for anyone.

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