Page 72 of Bad News Babe

“Glandular problem,” Val mumbles, still looking at his phone before suddenly laughing. “You’re going to give birth to our Indy grandpa.”

“No,” Tuesday hisses and throws a fork at him.

Poppy sighs as she sits on the other side of the recliner couch next to Pa. “Children, shut up, please. I’m trying to enjoy the aftereffects of all that insurance talk.”

My father smirks and nods. “Let’s put on a good movie tonight since we have a guest.”

Val sets aside his phone and grins at me. “No, let’s pick something awful to test Alexis’s patience.”

“Have you ever seen a movie called ‘Subspecies’?” Alexis asks and turns off the green beans.

I hand her a lid to keep the food warm. That simple gesture makes her exhale in a needy way. I sense what she’s feeling.

One day, we’ll have our own place. We can cook together and figure out what we like as a couple. My parents and siblings might join us for meals. They’ll stretch out in our house like they do in this one. We’ll pick a bad movie to mock. Then, we’ll end our days wrapped together.

But first, I need to deal with my suddenly energized meddling ma. Poppy gets overly quiet at dinner. No gasping or fondling my father. Instead, she watches Alexis eat in an extremely focused way. Obviously, I’m on alert for impending drama.

Tuesday fills the conversation by threatening to get another perm. “I’ll do it, too. No one can stop me.”

“I like when you look like a poodle,” Val replies as he separates his food so he can eat them individually rather than mixing the ingredients like a normal human. “I’ve always wanted a dog. You’ll do.”

Smiling, Tuesday flicks a green bean at our brother. “I’d bite you so hard if you pet me.”

“Children, please,” Ma-Poppy says dramatically. “Stop bickering and start watching Alexis enjoy her meal.”

Though I narrow my eyes at my mother, she just stares at my dream girl shoveling food into her mouth. I focus my gaze on Alexis to find her doing that “hurry up and eat before someone steals her food” move. A piece of salad nearly escapes her mouth.

“Good Lord,” Poppy sighs.

Not wanting Alexis to feel self-conscious, I offer her moral support. “A little bit more,” I praise when she struggles with an especially large piece of pasta dangling from her lovely lips. Once she slurps it into her mouth, I smile. “There you go. Great job.”

Alexis grins big for me. She totally knows they’re all watching her, but she still acts startled when she turns her head toward them.

“My firstborn is in love with a raccoon,” mutters my heartbroken ma while Pa-Emmett shoots a “shush” look at her.

“No, it’s true,” Alexis replies, smiling wistfully. “My great-great-grandfather on my father’s mother’s side was from a royal line of raccoons. They ate out of only the finest restaurants’ dumpsters. Foie gras, caviar, those little cheese things. Man, the sky was the limit for my ancestors. But, you know, tonight’s dinner is good, too.”

I smile full of pride at Alexis. Not only did she stand up for herself, but she also knows whatever the fuck “foie gras” is. My girl retains more learning than she’s let on.

After dinner, Alexis helps Tuesday with the dishes. I like how my sister’s giving my dream girl a fair shake. While I’m admiring their budding friendship, my ma—and the man she forces to join her—corner me in the family room.

“Bad news, babe,” Ma-Poppy says, staggering as if the words are unbearably heavy. “Your babe is bad news.”

“What do you think?” I ask Pa-Emmett, trying to start trouble.

My mother narrows her eyes and waits for her man to choose between light and darkness.

“She’s a fine-looking chick, West. I see why you got all stupid.”

“No, she’s weird,” Ma-Poppy says. “Find a blonde girl who will give me sun-kissed grandbabies.

“Poppy, let West do his thing.”

“No, baby,” she says softly and strokes his bearded cheek. “Now, shut up.”

My father chuckles at her sincerity and stands back. “Have at it, then. But I know when people told me to stay away from you, nothing would change my mind.”

Ma-Poppy gets weak under my father’s loving reminiscing. She wants so badly to ruin things with Alexis, only because she’s got the Toomey name stuck in her head. When she lets down her guard, Ma-Poppy seems to like Alexis. And I know my dream girl would flourish under my ma’s affections.

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