Page 56 of Bad News Babe

“Pa didn’t.”

“But I’m great!” she cries so loud that she startles a sleeping Warren Beatty off the back of the couch.

“Yes, and so is Alexis.”

Ma-Poppy pats my hand and tenderly shares, “I’ve heard from people in the know that Alexis is, in fact, a muff cabbage.”

“Did Tuesday tell you that?”

“No, she seems to think your redheaded whore is a decent chick.”

Frowning now, I mutter, “Don’t call Alexis a whore. She was a virgin until I got hold of her.”

“Well, I was a virgin once, too. Yet, I still managed to be the biggest slut this side of the Mason-Dixon line.”

“How did that work?”

“I’m clever, is all.”

Setting aside the controller and getting shot again, I wrap my arm around my mother’s shoulders. “If you looked at this situation differently, you’d be happy. I’m starting a new life with the woman I love.”

“What was wrong with your old life?”

“I didn’t know where Alexis was,” I reply, adding, “Or what her name was.”

“You put too much power behind her not wanting you. Like, it makes her special or something.”

“No, I wanted her before she shot me down. I couldn’t believe how beautiful she was.”

“I heard she’s a dog.”

“Did that rumor come from the same jealous haters who called you chunky?”

“Emmett, I’ve been wronged!” she screams before blinking rapidly. “Oh, that’s right, he isn’t here. Well, I’ll save my outrage for when he’s around to soothe me sexually.”

“I’m okay with you having sex with Pa. See how I’ve matured since meeting Alexis?”

Ma-Poppy narrows her blue eyes. “I don’t like this new you. It disgusts me. When is the troublemaker arriving for her free meal?”

“I have to run a few errands for the club. Just some mild beatings to dish out. Then, I’ll pick up Alexis and bring her here to meet my stunning ma, studly pa, and the rest of our amazing family.”

“You’re laying it on a bit thick, West.”

“You sound like Alexis.”

“And just like that, Val is the better son.”

“Is he, though? I feel like he wouldn’t have let you shoot him so many times.”

“I raised him to be competitive. Apparently, that lesson didn’t stick with you. I’ve failed. No wonder you’re in love with a Toomey ginger.”

“Be nice tonight.”

Ma-Poppy smiles softly and strokes my cheek. “You’re such a handsome boy. You look so much like your dad. You’re also strong like him. And a little on the dumb side, too,” she says and snarls. “How dare you think I’d treat that hillbilly raccoon warmly? I’m sorry I’ve missed the signs of your traumatic head injury, babe. But I’ll help you heal, so you’ll properly remember the mother who raised you.”

Kissing the top of her head, I try to make Ma-Poppy understand. “Alexis’s mom died when she was young, and her dad is a loser. She’s basically this unloved kitten who raised herself into a scrappy stray cat. Now, I’m giving her a good home where she’ll be loved like she deserves. How can you be so cruel to that sweet furball who just wants love?”

Ma-Poppy gets stuck with an uncertain expression on her face. I pick up the controller and shoot twenty bots before she shakes free of her brain freeze.

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