Page 54 of Bad News Babe

“But cute, right?”

“Maybe,” says her sister as I rightly keep my mouth shut.

“I don’t like babies,” Juno explains. “However, if my kid was cute enough, I bet I could learn to like it.”

Zelda rolls her eyes. “Well, you’re not getting pregnant if you only suck off sad guys in mourning. Alexis will likely be hogging the bathroom with her morning sickness soon.”

Nodding, I nudge Juno. “What about your first time?”

“It was very romantic,” she says, and Zelda rolls her eyes again. “It was outside.”

“In the woods behind the school?” I ask, sensing a theme.

“No, this was in his family’s backyard. He ripped all these flowers out of his neighbor’s garden to create a bed of roses for us to make love in.”

“That sounds nice, actually.”

“No, not really,” Zelda says and grins at Juno. “Continue with your story.”

“Well, the bed of roses wasn’t just petals. It was like the plant part or whatever, too.”

Zelda shakes her head. “She lost her virginity while getting torn up by rosebush thorns.”

Shrugging, Juno admits, “It could have been better, yeah.”

“Wow, so I really did have the best experience of us three,” I murmur, relishing this feeling of having stuff others don’t.

Zelda shakes her head. “But you already knew that.”

“Of course, but there’s no harm in rubbing it in your faces.”

“That’s what he said,” Juno announces and high-fives me.

Grinning, I realize I need to pick out something to wear for tonight’s dinner. “Want to help me choose between various blue jeans and thrift-store shirts?”

“Ooh,” Juno says, jumping up, “that sounds better than sitting on the hard concrete and watching an occasional car drive by.”

Sniffing my shirt, I mutter, “I am getting hot. Might need another shower.”

“I still smell the biker on you,” Zelda says, not budging as we walk inside. “I need to study for school.”

I sniff my shirt again and catch a hint of West’s cologne. “If I had the money, I’d buy that scent and spray it on everything. Then, the world would be sexier and more exciting.”

When Zelda rolls her eyes, I kneel down next to her. “I’m sorry your attempts at shared sexual gratification were interrupted by nature’s meddling.”

“Don’t pity me. It’s freeing to tell people that I’m not going to match up and breed. I pity you for having to dance like a monkey for your biker and his family tonight. Remember what happened to the monkey in Indiana Jones?”

“I don’t know that movie.”

“The monkey died, Alexis.”

“Everyone dies, Zelda. As long as the monkey lived its life to the fullest, what’s the problem?”

My cousin narrows her dark eyes, totally blasé in the face of my positive thinking. I certainly hope West’s family is easier to impress.

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