Page 31 of Bad News Babe

Val smirks at me, disregarding how he’s also a moron. I shove him away and ignore OG Peepaw Zeb very slowly creeping closer.

“I’ll ask Ma for help,” I tell Pa-Emmett, who rolls his eyes again. “She’ll help me pick a house and choose a place to dump it here on the homestead.”

“You’re assuming a lot about a woman currently buying herself extra fainting couches after learning your beloved is a Toomey.”

“Garbage people,” OG Peepaw Zeb growls, now right behind me.

“I’ll stick you in a trash can if you talk shit about my woman again,” I warn the wild-haired scrawny moonshiner. “Besides, you had no problem with her doing your face paint earlier today.”

“The clown? Is she pretty under all that shit on her face?”

“She’s beautiful.”

Val shrugs. “She’s alright for a clown.”

“A what, now?” King Peepaw Jared asks.

Dismissing their mockery, I explain, “Alexis is a children’s performer.”

“And a psychic, I heard,” Donovan says and chuckles with Court.

“She is an independent business owner.”

I’m immediately forced to roll my eyes at their laughter. Even the old man gets a kick out of my words.

“You should be ashamed!” I yell, losing my temper and not only because I’m still suffering from a partial boner from earlier. “Alexis Fontaine is hustling her fine ass to do better in life. Why are you laughing at her hard work? Would you chuckle over a poor chick working two shifts at a restaurant to save up? For country folk, you sure are elitist.”

“He’s got you there,” OG Peepaw Zeb tells the other men. “I’ve been saying for years how uppity you all are.”

Val rolls his eyes. “You were just calling the Toomey family garbage.”

“They are.”

“I don’t know if they are or not,” I announce despite having a long history of saying worse about the weirdos. “However, Alexis is my dream girl.”

“Because she shot you down?” King Peepaw Jared asks.

“No, because she’s hot as fuck. Like no one’s better. Didn’t you ever find a woman who made others seem like wet farts in comparison?”

“No,” Val responds while the other men fondly recall meeting their lovely ladies currently helping my ma find space for her many fainting couches.

Poking Val’s fat head, I mutter, “That’s why you’re bitter and jealous, little brother.”

“We’ll talk about this house thing tomorrow at breakfast,” Pa-Emmett says when Val and I start shoving each other and nearly knock OG Peepaw Zeb into the bushes.

King Peepaw Jared nods. “Better not mention it to your mom until then. Poppy nearly gasped herself into asphyxiation several times today.”

“She wants you to bring the girl to dinner,” Pa-Emmett says and shares amused smiles with his bros. “Yeah, that’s a train wreck I’m looking to enjoy with some popcorn.”

“Sell tickets and make a fast buck,” Court tells him.

“Tuesday met Alexis tonight, and they got along fine,” I explain, skipping how Tuesday was drunk and more interested in arguing with Zelda. “I’m sure Ma will find Alexis charming.”

“I’ll buy one of those tickets if they’re for sale,” Donovan tells my pa.

Normally, when I get home from a night of partying, I’ll chill with the homestead’s men. However, their unwillingness to even conceive of my relationship with Alexis is a dealbreaker. When Rie hooked up with an out-of-town biker after a day together, the family grudgingly accepted her insanity.

But her guy’s family came from a powerful club. My dream girl’s the daughter of a Toomey and a moron who died during a selfie attempt. Alexis suffered a rotten beginning in life. Now, she’s won the jackpot with me.

No way will my family’s interloping interfere with my magical second chance.

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