Page 23 of Bad News Babe

The cousins and I share a laugh at the giant man’s giant dick forcing me into early-onset adult diaper use.

“I’m fully aware of what this is,” I explain. “He’s got a redhead fetish, and I’m going to help him quench it. In exchange, he’ll make me feel like a hillbilly princess for however long he remains interested.”

“What if you get herpes?” Zelda asks.

“In the Toomey family, I believe we get a commemorative plaque for catching it.”

“What if he knocks you up?” Juno asks. “No way can you keep it and live in our apartment. If there’s no space for a cat, how will a baby fit?”

“Don’t be daft, you stupid bitch,” Zelda snaps at her sister. “If she gets knocked up by that giant rich man, he’ll pay her to raise his bastard. Hell, he’ll pay for a nicer place than ours. Getting knocked up by a rich guy is a great goal. I wholly support Alexis in her quest for a golden ticket, even if the price is shitting herself from laughing.”

We arrive at the duplex, where Tripp currently gets yelled at by our neighbor. Ignoring the drama, I study West. Having a kid with him would be a great career move. And his genetics seem far superior to mine. I bet his kid would be beautiful. Maybe even smart. He could go to college! Or at least a tech school! My son could be an electrician or a mechanic! Such respectable professions. With a solid job, he could make fuck-you money. Even buy a boat or jet skis. The sky would be the limit!

While I admire the stud who might spunk a baby into my girl cave, he barks insults at the neighbor yelling at Tripp.

I don’t know what anyone’s talking about since I’m dazed with lustful fantasies about this sexy man I get to enjoy.

Yes, it won’t last. But life isn’t a pleasure cruise. It’s a family road trip with one crappy stop after another. Yet, sometimes, amid a miserable voyage, you get to stay at one of those franchise hotels with a pool and cable TV.

That’s exactly what dating West Mercer will be like.

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