Page 89 of Love Is: Two Bodies One Soul

The campsite was deserted.

In a sweat, Owen reached the sea, and as the water gently touched his toes, he squinted against the brightness of the light and scanned the emptiness. His guts seemed to drop out of him. No Lexie. He splashed back and forth through the shallows, shouting her name, frantically waving his arms and searching from the horizon to the shoreline, praying he might see the yellow top of her snorkel. Nothing.

‘Oh my God, where is she?’ Feeling nauseous, Owen leaned forward, resting his hands on his knees. He blinked, staring into the turquoise water, gayly sparkling, uncaring of the terror ripping through him. His lungs were bursting, chest hurting, stomach contracting. Sick with fear, he knew he had to calm down. Panic was making him useless. I must be rational. Standing straight again, trying to steady his breath, Owen pulled off his shirt and waded into deeper water. His eyes hurt with searching by the time the water got so deep he had to swim. He didn’t know where he was swimming, only that going back was not at option. Lexie was not behind him. He swam out into the open water beyond the two jungle-covered rock columns guarding their bay. Lexie had named them ‘the sentries’ on their first day swimming together. They’d planned to swim out to them and explore. Guilt speared him. He shouldn’t have let her go out alone. They could have explored together today. He could have put off writing the article until tonight. He pushed on through the water, praying he would find Lexie exploring the sentries on her own.

* * *

Owen turnedto look back as soon as he reached open water beyond the sentries. Please let me see Lexie safely resting. If she was there, he would swim to her and make love with her out of sheer bloody gratitude that he had found her and he would never let her out of his sight again, not as long as they both lived.

She wasn’t there.

Owen looked at the sky and growled: ‘You wonder why I don’t believe in you, God.’

An immense wave hit him. He went under, his open mouth filling with water as the power of the sea weighed him down, driving him further under.

Is this how it ends?

‘NO,’ he shouted. A stupid thing to try when underwater, resulting in odd gargling noises and more water filling his lungs filling. In his youth he’d idiotically wondered what it would feel like to drown – even planned to do it more than once, he remembered. Now he was finding out what it was like for real. And it was the last thing he wanted. He had to find Lexie. Choking and spewing seawater, Owen struggled to the surface, where he floundered, treading water and coughing until he vomited. Weakened, he gave in to the strong current, and then it occurred to him. The same thing could have happened to Lex. Perhaps the strength of the tide had dragged her away, and maybe if he didn’t fight it, he would be washed in the same direction. It seemed like as good a plan as any. Besides, he had no strength left to fight. He needed to take a break from his unequal battle with the sea.

He drifted. More waves washed over him. Choking, Owen surfaced each time. From somewhere he found an inner strength. He wanted to see Emi with the pelicans, not just once more but lots and lots more times. Until she grew so bored with pelicans, he could roast one for Christmas dinner, and she wouldn’t complain. Of course, vegetarian Lexie would be appalled at the very idea. The thought of Lexie made him want to hold her in his arms. Not just now or tonight, but every night and day. And he didn’t want to die … not now, there was so much to live for. Fuck you, fate or God, or whatever defines our lives …. I’m not giving in. I’m not your puppet. He clung to that thought as he went under for the fifth time.

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