Page 77 of Love Is: Two Bodies One Soul

There were so many memories in this place. Xander blinked and stared at the ceiling while his insides collapsed, overwhelmed by the consequences of his action. He wanted to cry at the thought of no more long cosy evenings curled up on the sofa with Kate in his arms, doing nothing but talking. No more falling asleep wrapped around Kate in her narrow single bed. There’d be no more fresh croissants bought from the bakery around the corner and shared for breakfast, followed by sticky apricot jam kisses. He’d been so stupid. Thrown everything away. He swiped a hand over his eyes and wiped it dry through his hair, wishing he could turn back time.

Which was how Kate found him when she came in with the wine.

‘Here we are,’ she said, handing him a glass.

He put it straight down on the low table near the sofa. Xander thought he probably appeared his usual calm, confident self as he stood. Only he knew it was an illusion. His guts were shredding. He was in self-destruct mode, and only Kate could save him. He was desperate.

‘Kate.’ He reached for her waist.

She didn’t resist. Panic replaced Xander’s desperation as his hands closed around her tiny waist. What was he going to do now? He’d never asked to be let back into any girl’s life before, but Kate was the light at the end of his dark tunnel. He needed her.

* * *

Kate’s heartflipped at his words. Words she had never thought she would hear Xander say.

‘Kate, I’m sorry.’

He leaned forward to kiss her mouth. She let him and murmured his name in response, thinking, where is my restraint? Where’s my pride? She ignored the frail voice of sanity inside her head, because she knew she still loved him … probably always would. There was no fighting love.

Xander slackened his grip on her waist and stood back. Blue eyes with a few flecks of violet gazed at her, and Kate could see more of him than ever before, the truth and the vulnerability he had always tried to hide were on full display and he was genuinely sorry.

He took the wineglass she was holding and placed it on the table next to his.

‘I wouldn’t blame you if you said no,’ he said, turning back to her. ‘But please .…’ He spread his hands over her shoulders. She trembled inside at his touch.

‘You were a bastard to me, Xander.’

‘I know, I know, and I’m sorry – so sorry.’ He moved a damp strand of red hair hanging against her forehead, wiped another from her cheek and rested his fingers for a moment by her lips. ‘I didn’t mean any of those things I said, and frankly, I don’t know why I went with Samantha. I don’t even like her.’

‘Old habits die hard?’ Kate suggested.

‘Maybe. Or perhaps a final fling before I accepted reality.’

Their eyes met; his expression uncertain, nervous – sorry. ‘Kate, can we … will you let me … back?’

She didn’t protest and didn’t pull away as he moved her robe, allowing it to fall to the floor. He sighed as he leaned in to drift lingering kisses across her shoulder. Murmuring her name, he moved to her neck, his breath warm on her skin as he whispered, ‘I am so, so very sorry.’ He nibbled her earlobe tenderly. ‘Kate, please forgive me.’

She groaned and wondered at her weakness. Had she not said she would never take him back, and yet here she was, melting into his arms. Shameless hussy.

Their lips met, and she couldn’t hold back.

‘You still want me?’ His voice was shaking, and his eyes were wide as he looked at her face again. ‘Kate, I think I’ve died and gone to heaven. You still want me. After everything I did, everything I said. None of which I meant – truly. I was just angry to be caught like that.’

‘With your trousers down.’

‘Yes.’ His brow crumpled. ‘Inelegant or what? I was ashamed. I lashed out when I should have begged for your forgiveness. I am begging now. Will you forgive me?’ He dropped to his knees and looked up to her.

Kate couldn’t speak. All she could do was nod slowly.

‘My beautiful Kate. Xander took her hands and drew her down to him. ‘You still love me?’ He looked amazed, so she nodded again and murmured yes, just in case he should not believe her. ‘I – I love you, Kate, I do.’

They made love, slow, deeply satisfying love and afterwards fell silent for a long time. Xander leaned against the side of the sofa and sipped wine, deep in thought. Kate rested her head on the angle of his shoulder as he stroked her hair.

She ran her fingers over his chest and said: ‘Promise me. You won’t ever cheat on me again, Xander.’

‘I promise. I’ll never go with another woman ever again.’

‘Or man,’ she added.

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