Page 72 of Then Came Love
“That’s an awful thought.”
“Unfortunately, that’s a reality for many young parents.” Her aunt lowered her eyes, and when she lifted them, there was sadness there. “Uncle Gary and I lost our baby to SIDS when she was three days old.”
“I didn’t even know you had a child. I’m so sorry. I thought you said you didn’t want children.”
“We didn’t after that, because we weren’t sure we could survive losing another baby.” Her aunt teared up, and so did Jordan. “It turned out we could, because we lost Casey and your parents, and we’re still here. But we are not going to cry or be sad over what we cannot control. Not when we have so many reasons to be grateful, right?”
“Yes, but I am sad for you and Uncle Gary. That must have been awful.”
“It was, but we got through it, and we were lucky enough to be a big part of your family’s life from the day you were born. Your parents made sure of that, and we’re so thankful they did.”
“So am I.”
“I know, honey. No more sadness, okay? Life is too short to spend it crying.”
Or to leave the important things unsaid.Jordan nodded, trying to rein in her emotions. “Thank you for taking me in and caring for me. I love you and Uncle Gary so much.”
“Oh, honey. We adore you, and we loved raising you. Do you know what your father would say if he were here right now?”
“What?”
“He’d tell you to live every second as if it were your last. You’re a careful, patient woman, and I respect that, but don’t let your life pass you by. This moment that we’re living in right now might be all we will ever get, which is why I’m so happy to see you taking control of your life. Taking risks that are making you happier instead of settling for what I know felt safe and familiar but in reality was holding you back.”
“I hate that I wasted so much time with Todd.”
“You can’t think about it that way, honey, or it’ll always upset you, and if I’ve learned one thing over the years, it’s that holding on to regrets only drags us down. It doesn’t help us heal or grow. You have to learn to forgive yourself and be proud of having the courage to make a change. You are finally grabbing your brass rings and experiencing more of what life has to offer.”
“I’m definitely experiencing more, but I don’t feel like I’m grabbing my brass rings and making them mine. I’m hanging on to them while they’re still tethered, so if I let go, they won’t drop. It’s safer that way.”
“I know how scary it is to make big life changes and feel like you’re making them alone.”
“But that’s just it. I don’t feel alone anymore. I felt alone because I was in a one-sided relationship, and I couldn’t talk about the family I lost to Todd or to you and Uncle Gary. But I’m not in that situation anymore.”
“Then what are you afraid of?”
“I don’t know. Being hurt, being judged.”
“You’ve been hurt and judged before, honey, and you not only survived, but you came out stronger. We don’t know what will come our way in an hour, much less tomorrow or next week. If you feel like you’ve already wasted years, then let that fuel your determination not to waste another second of your life, because once that second is gone, there are no do-overs.”
“You’re right. What am I waiting for? I’m going to do the things that make me happy, and the heck with anyone who doesn’t approve.”
“Good girl. That’s the spirit.”
She popped to her feet. “Aunt Sheila, I’m sorry, but I have to go.”
“Are you okay?”
“I’m better than okay. I’m amazing.”
Her aunt smiled. “Yes, you are, but your uncle and I have always known that.”
Jordan looked at the woman who had raised her and loved her like her own child, finally understanding that she hadn’t been a burden to her but a blessing. “Thank you for loving me through all my hard times.”
“Sweetheart, you’re easy to love.”
“For the first time in my life, I actually believe that’s true.”
JAX HAD ALWAYS looked forward to family gatherings. Especially since Beau and Zev had come back into the fold, bringing with them Char and Carly. But as he watched the four of them playing horseshoes and stealing kisses from their significant others while Graham and Morgyn cheered them on, it only made him miss Jordan more. He turned away just as Nick’s dogs, Goldie and Rowdy, darted past, chased by Beau’s dog, Bandit, and Coco. Bandit had something in his mouth, and Nick, manning the barbecue with their father and holding Pugsly, his old, partially blind pug, was hollering at Bandit, calling him a thief. A few feet away, their mother was laughing at him with Trixie and Jillian. It was easy to imagine Jordan among them, chatting with the girls and tossing flirtatious glances his way.
One day…
He had a feeling she would have loved the party. Nick and Trixie had gone all out. The front of the barn was decorated with a big HAPPY 30th BIRTHDAY banner, and balloons danced from long strings tied to the fencing around the pastures and the drink and snack tables. They’d set up enormous easels around the yard displaying poster-sized pictures of Jax and Jillian. There was a picture of them as babies, propped up with pillows in their father’s recliner. They wore matching onesies. Jax’s had BIG BROTHER across the chest, and Jillian’s had HE’S NOT THE BOSS OF ME. Jax wore a small smile, while Jillian’s mouth was wide open, like she talked as much then as she did now. Another easel held a blown-up copy of the picture his parents had shown Jordan of his and Jillian’s first backyard fashion show. There were a handful of other pictures from their youth, including pictures of Jax and Jillian making costumes for school plays. Jax was sitting at a sewing machine, and Jillian was leaning over his shoulder, brows knitted, mouth open, probably giving him directions. She’d always been mouthy, but he loved that about her. There was a picture of Jax playing high-school basketball, with Jillian on the sidelines, her fist in the air, cheering him on, and pictures from each of their first runway shows, as well as a few candid shots taken behind the scenes. But his favorites were the pictures of them with the rest of their family and of him and Coco when she was a puppy.
