Page 59 of Then Came Love
“I’m starting to understand why her aunt and uncle wanted her to let it go.”
“None of it will be pleasant, Jax. It’ll affect her ability to concentrate at work, her relationships. Nothing in her life will go untouched.”
He thought about all the roadblocks Jordan had overcome. She hadn’t even lost hope when her aunt and uncle had encouraged her to move on. She’d given up her dream of being a designer so she could move back to her hometown after college, and she put off her wedding multiple times, which couldn’t have helped her relationship, all so she could be where Casey could find her. But given that she’d shut Jax down when he’d suggested they get age-progression photos and make a concerted effort to find Casey, he was ninety-nine percent sure that even if she wanted to take this risk, which she probably would, she wouldn’t go through with anything that could have a negative impact on the people she loved.
More importantly, he’d gone too far Saturday night and caused a shitstorm of pain for her. Did he even have the right to ask? To be talking to Reggie about her family?
“That’s a lot to consider.” Jax paced, chewing on his last thought.
“There’s one more thing you need to understand. Your friend might have given you the impression she would do anything to track down her sister, and she might have thought she meant it. But when reality hits, it’s ten thousand times harder than anyone thinks it will be. Every bit of it. The waiting for answers, the highs of getting leads, and the devastation when they don’t pan out. It could take years to get a resolution, if she gets one at all. I know you think closure is a good thing. We all do. But what if it was Jilly that had gone missing? Would you really be better off knowing she was dead?” Reggie paused, letting his words sink in. “Or would it be better to hold on to the hope that she was alive for the rest of your life because knowing she wasn’t would tear you apart? That’s what your friend could be facing.”
It had been excruciating for his family during the ten years Zev and Beau were gone, never knowing if they were okay or when they’d be back. Could he handle losing any one of his siblings? No way in hell. But would he want to know if they’d been killed? His chest constricted. He didn’t have the answer, and where Jordan was concerned, it wasn’t his decision to make.
“You’ve given me a lot to think about. I’ll talk to Jordan and get back to you.”
“Let me know if she wants to move forward. I can make time one evening next week.”
“Okay. Thanks, Reggie. I appreciate everything you’ve done.”
After the call, Jax finished dressing and tried to decide how and if he should talk with Jordan. He didn’t want to disrupt her life any more than he already had.
That was a blatant lie.
He wanted to take her in his arms and tell her all the reasons she’d made the wrong choice. But that option was no longer on the table. Hell, it never had been. He’d promised her he’d keep his flirting in check, and then he’d let his damn heart lead, and it had not only bared itself, but it had climbed onto a silver platter and launched at her. Only to be received like cold, pointy darts and batted away with tears. He had no fucking idea how to stop feeling like he’d been slaughtered and left to bleed out.
But damn it, this wasn’t about him. This was about giving the woman he loved what might be her only opportunity to take steps toward finding her sister. She might give him hell, but that was a chance he was willing to take.
He made the call, but it went to voicemail after two rings, which he was pretty sure meant she’d sent it there. He paced as he left a message. “Hi. I’m sorry about the other night. I know you don’t want to talk to me, and I’m trying to respect that. I’m not calling to try to change your mind. I want to talk to you.” He stopped himself before about Casey came out of his mouth. This wasn’t the type of information he should deliver in a voicemail. “Please give me a call when you get a chance. It’s important.”
He spent the next half hour wearing a path from one room to the next with Coco at his heels, replaying the message he’d left in his mind. It was too vague. How could she trust him not to try to convince her she’d made the wrong choice after he’d promised to keep himself in check and hadn’t followed through? He started to thumb out a text, but it was too long and drawn out, and it all still sounded like a ploy to talk to her.
Of course it sounded like a fucking ploy. Three days was seventy-two hours too long to go without seeing her, but this was too important to leave up to chance. He put on sneakers and grabbed his keys. She could give him hell after he gave her the information about Reggie. Even if she didn’t want to follow through, at least he’d know he’d done everything he could to help her find her sister. Coco followed him to the front door, tail wagging.
“Come on, girl. I need all the help I can get.”
He came up with fifteen different ways to tell Jordan what he’d come to say, but the second he pulled into her driveway, those thoughts were obliterated by gut-wrenching emotions. He couldn’t leave town. He wasn’t even sure he’d be able to walk away from her fucking house after seeing her again.
Coco sat up, her ears perking, ready for an adventure.
“You think this is a good idea? Or am I about to get my balls busted again?”
She barked.
“Okay, girl. Here’s the plan. If she gets mad that we’re here, you do something cute. Got it? Distract her enough for me to say my piece.”
Coco licked his chin, and he took a deep breath. “This is it, girl. All or nothing time.”
He and Coco made their way up to the front door, that dove door knocker tugging at his heartstrings. What would happen to all that hope Jordan was holding on to when she married a man who didn’t even like her talking about her sister? What would it do to her radiant soul to have her hopes, and her love for her family, permanently silenced? How would she survive that without resenting her husband?
Jax’s gut twisted, his protective urges rising to the surface as he knocked on the door. He looked down at Coco, trying not to let the long stretch of silence eat away at him, but when seconds turned to minutes, his chest burned. It was one thing to ignore a voicemail, but she didn’t seem like the kind of person who would ignore a personal visit.
He knocked again, his nerves strung so tight they felt like they might snap. Another long stretch of silence had him pulling out his phone to try to call her. As he navigated to her number, the front door opened. Jordan’s eyes were red and puffy, and her nose was pink, twisting him up inside even more. Her hair was a tangled mess, and she was wearing a pink sweatshirt with HOPEFUL ROMANTIC written inside a white heart, white pajama shorts with pink hearts on them, and fuzzy pink bootie slippers.
“Jax,” she said in a tired, scratchy voice, her eyes filling with tears, driving that knife deeper into his chest.
Holy shit. Did I make a mistake by coming?“Sweetheart, please tell me I’m not the cause of those tears.”
She opened her mouth to speak, but sobs fell out, shattering his heart like a landslide. He gathered her trembling body in his arms, silently cursing himself for convincing her to let him make her dress. He should have left well enough alone and walked away. At least then he’d be the only one hurting.
