Page 29 of Liar For Hire (For Hire 1)

Her stomach cramped. The tone of his voice told her she wouldn’t like what he intended to say, but avoiding it would torment her. She might as well hear it and get it over with. “Go ahead.”

“This will be hard to accept, but it’s the truth. What I’ve always known from the beginning when I first met you is that I can never be with you.”

Chapter 11

For an instant he thought she would collapse. His heart cracked a little. No, he couldn’t afford to think of it like that. Of course he cared about her, but think of it as being in love…

Who said anything about being in love?

He chided himself mentally, wishing he could take back the harsh way he told her they could never be together. Up until today, he had avoided anything that looked like he was interested in her as more than

a friend. Sure, there was always chemistry there, but he maintained his distance.

Then he crossed the line when they made love in that hotel. But he’d known what he would do even at that time. He made the decision to give in to his feelings for her because he knew where he was headed.

While he had made a career out of lying, he needed to tell Janessa the truth. Not all of it, but enough so she wouldn’t hurt too badly. He considered how their friendship would change and the possibility of her telling him she never wanted to see him again. The thought kept him mute while he got a grip on himself.

“I can’t go into detail, Nessa, but there’s something about me that…” He wrestled with the way to explain without giving away too much or making her think he was insane. “…that you can never accept.”

She folded her arms over her chest. Her hands trembled. “You’re broken, right?”

His eyes widened. “How did you—I mean, yes. Emotionally.”

She glared.

“Like I said, I can’t go into detail. Suffice it to say some years ago when my parents were still alive, I made a decision that caused a bunch of people their lives. I can’t forgive myself, and I can’t bring them back.”

“Oh God, Declan. That’s terrible. I’m so sorry.” She hugged him, and he allowed himself to hold onto her for a bit longer than necessary. The strawberry scent of her shampoo tickled his nostrils, along with her natural aroma. Everything about her teased his senses.

When he thought he would lose control, she drew back and looked into his eyes. For several moments, he dreamed of what it would be like to make her his mate—that is if he were normal.

I mean wife.

He considered it while she stroked his cheek and spoke softly, offering sweet words of comfort. She was his undoing. He imagined that if they were husband and wife, they wouldn’t live much different than they did now. Laundry together, meals, time in each other’s company.

Children.

He tried to think of what a daughter who looked like Janessa would be like, but it was too much to bear. Over various conversations, she had come to the conclusion that he didn’t want kids and that he didn’t care for family. That was farthest from the truth. He simply believed he didn’t deserve them.

“Wait a minute,” she said, drawing back from him. “Your parents died when you were fifteen. That’s when you started living on your own. How in the world could a kid have done anything to cause several people to die—”

She gasped, and covered her mouth while shaking her head. Tears welled in her eyes. He could guess where her thoughts took her.

“You didn’t cause your parents…”

“No.”

She breathed a sigh of relief. “Thank goodness. I don’t know who could come back from that.”

“The fault lay with me and my parents. But they died, and I lived.” He spoke matter-of-factly, but he always knew when Janessa either sensed he lied or she knew he hit the deeper emotional impact of what he shared.

She sat beside him on the edge of the desk. Her thigh touched his, and his body came to life. He wanted to hold her, and the memories of when he did charged across his mind. Thinking clearly of anything other than Janessa was hard.

“Nessa.”

“Yes?”

When she skewed his head too much, he moved to the window that overlooked the street. Yes, this was a better view, and maybe he could get the words out before Roxie grew impatient waiting for him.

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