Page 57 of Boss's Baby: A Fake Fiance Romance

Josh nodded. “And there’s still the matter of my dad.”

“Really? He seems convinced.”

“Don’t be fooled. The way he’s acting toward you isn’t an act, but the guy’s working on five different levels at once. You’re seeing the convivial side on the surface, but a little bit below, he’s watching us like a hawk.”

A shiver ran through me. “That doesn’t really put me at ease.”

“Don’t get too freaked out about it. Staying chill and calm is how we’ll get through this thing. But I want you to know, the man’s something else. You don’t get to where he is by being an easy mark.”

“But you think we can do it?”

“I know we can do it.”

Josh’s confidence set me at ease. Sure, maybe it bordered on cockiness, but it sure was helping.

He reached over and gave my leg a squeeze. For a moment I wondered if that cut into the physical contact rules, but it seemed more reassuring than anything else. I decided to let it slide. Bigger things to worry about. But then something occurred to me, something I felt but hadn’t been sure how to talk about.

“Listen. There’s something I need to say.”

“Sure. What’s up?”

“OK, this whole pretend thing we’re doing. I’m really pretending.”

“And I’m not really pretending?”

“No, I don’t only mean the fiancée part. I mean the relationship part.”

He appeared very confused. “What are you talking about?”

It was embarrassing, but there was no other way to say it. “I’m really bad at relationships.”

The confusion was replaced with relief. “Oh, is that it? Well, aren’t we all? I’m not exactly a pro at them myself.”

“That’s not exactly what I mean.”

“Then tell me.”

“I mean, I’ve barely had any relationships. Like, at all.”

If Josh was confused before, now he was totally, perplexed. “I don’t get what you’re saying. Break it down for a guy with a low IQ.”

“I mean exactly what I’ve said. I’ve barely dated at all.”

“You mean recently, right? Like you’re so busy with work that you don’t have time for anything.”

“I wish I could say that was the case. But it’s a bigger problem than that.”

“Give me an idea.”

I knew exactly what to say. “OK, a little while back I did some math.”

“Math?”

“Math. I sat down and went through all the relationships I’ve ever had and ran some numbers. I wanted to figure out how much of my life, total, I’d been dating someone. Luckily, I’ve always kept very regular day planners ever since high school, so I had nearly an exact idea.”

“Going to look past the idea of someone keeping track of relationships in day planners—”

“Appreciate it. But like I said, I did the math.”

“And?”

“Thirteen months and two weeks. And five days.”

“Thirteen months?”

“And two weeks. And five days.”

“You’re telling me that you’ve spent barely more than one year of, what, almost twenty years dating? That seems—”

“Totally insane. I know. And maybe I should’ve told you before about my lack of experience with these sorts of things. I’m not only pretending that I’m engaged, I’m pretending that I even know what a functional relationship looks like.”

Josh said nothing for a long moment, thinking it over, taking it in. For a second I wondered if he was going to call me a freak or a nerd or something.

Instead, of course, he only laughed. And it was a big laugh too—one that carried across the yard.

I had to say something. “Oh, come on. You’re really going to make fun of me after I tell you something like that?”

He composed himself. “No, not making fun. Seriously. It’s more that it’s totally ridiculous.”

“‘Ridiculous?’ That sounds like making fun to me.”

“Not ridiculous in that you’re ridiculous. More that the situation is ridiculous.”

“Tell me what you mean.”

He thought for a moment. “Now, I don’t want to give you too big a head or anything. Though maybe, if anything, you could use it. But I would’ve guessed the total opposite.”

“Are you serious?”

“I’m serious as hell. I mean, look at you—you’re gorgeous, you’re successful, you’re well-put-together. You look like the kind of woman who should have her pick of whatever man in the city she wants. Hearing that it’s the opposite—I don’t know.”

His words made me feel better but also a little worse at the same time.

“And now you’re wondering if that makes you extra weird, that you’ve got all these things going for you and you still can’t find a man.”

“Um, kind of. I know it sounds totally insecure of me, but you can at least see where I’m coming from.”

He gave it another moment’s thought. “You know my theory? It’s because you’re intimidating. All those things I said about you—it’s enough to make a man worried that you might eat him for a snack if he ever came up to buy you a drink. And I don’t mean the good kind of ‘eating like a snack.’”

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