Page 66 of Fair Catch
All I could think about was how she was mine, whether she knew it or not.
When she shoved me off, I thought I’d made a mistake. I thought I’d just put the last nail in my coffin and was about to watch everything I loved in my life go up in flames — my friendship with Gavin, my place on the team, and most of all, whatever fucked-up relationship I had with Riley.
But before the flames could catch…
She pulled me back in.
Since then, I’d been nearly sick with the tumultuous emotions twisting me in a cyclone of insanity. One moment I was inside her, savoring every touch and breath and kiss like I’d never have it again. The next, I was pretending to be normal with her around the team, trying to tease her without looking too long, without letting my touch linger. Then, I was mad with jealousy, watching my teammates flirt with her just like they always had. It was normal before, something I managed to stomach.
But now that I’d had her?
It was like they were dancing in front of a ravenous bear with fresh salmon strapped to every piece of their body.
And just when it was too much, when I felt inches away from ripping one of my teammates to shreds or saying something I’d regret, Riley would calm a storm she didn’t even know was raging.
All it took was a look, a bashful smile, a gentle touch as she passed me, and the clouds would clear, along with my head.
I’d be okay again.
Until I wasn’t.
It couldn’t go on like this. While my game was seemingly untouched by the chaos, my mental state was not. My appetite was shot unless I was with her, and I didn’t sleep until I heard her fast asleep in my bed or hers — wherever we ended up that night.
I didn’t know what name we could put on us, but I knew I had to define it as something — otherwise, I’d have to check myself into a psychiatric hospital.
Clay’s voice lingered in my head as Riley and I ran drills one afternoon after practice, both of us bundled up and swearing against the bitter cold as she lined up kick after kick. Gray clouds swirled in the sky, the trees shaking off what little bit of dead leaves still clung to their branches. It was fall in full force, winter breathing down its neck in warning.
We’d been quiet all day, even that morning when we woke up tangled together under her sheets. She’d peeled my arms off her, slipped out of bed and straight into the shower. And although we’d talked on the way to the stadium and texted each other when we were in class, I knew she was fucked up as much as I was.
We couldn’t talk about it, because if we talked about it, it might end.
But we couldn’t not talk about it, or it’d kill us.
“Riley,” I said when she finished a kick, hanging her hands on her hips as she watched the ball sail right up the middle. She shook her fist with a glowing smile, lining up for another one, but I caught the crook of her elbow before she could. “Hey.”
Her eyes found mine, chest heaving, and she sniffed, her breath coming out in little puffs of white against the gray sky. Those usually honey-green eyes of hers took on the color of steel instead, framed by worried brows above them.
“We need to talk.”
She licked the corner of her mouth, nodding as her eyes trailed off somewhere behind me.
Again, I heard Clay’s voice in my mind, how he told me I’d be blind not to see that Riley had feelings for me, too. I tried to hold onto the assurance in his voice as I calmed my racing heart.
It’s now or never.
What’s the worst that could happen?
I chose to ignore the obvious answers to that question, clearing my throat before I spoke. “Riley, I… things between us… we should probably—”
“Wait,” she interrupted, holding one hand up, the other pinching the bridge of her nose.
I frowned.
“I… I’ve been thinking about this a lot, too. Just… let me speak first, okay?”
I bit my lips together, nodding.
“I know what you’re going to say,” she said, sighing. “That it’s a bad idea. That we have to stop. That it was all a big mistake.”
I arched a brow, opening my mouth to tell her every thought in my head was far from any of that, but again, she cut me off.
“But I’ve really been thinking about it and… I think this could be good for us.”
She took the confusion on my face as doubt, because she grabbed me by the arms, leveling her gaze with mine.
“I know we could never… like… be together,” she started, her cheeks flaming with those words as her eyes skirted mine.
