Page 84 of Fair Catch
And now…
I glanced at Zeke, who met my gaze with pain and guilt and apology written in every crease of his brow. “Riley, I—”
But I looked away, shaking my head as a cold resolve settled over me.
It didn’t matter how my heart broke, how my soul yearned for the one person responsible for the pain I was in to take it away. I wanted to be sad, to be angry, to demand answers — but the truth was simple.
He wasn’t who I thought he was.
“I don’t like dishing out this punishment any more than you like accepting it,” Coach said after a minute. “And I don’t doubt that either of you intended for this to happen. But there are consequences when you don’t think things through — and better they come from me than from someone higher up.”
My eyes lost focus, his voice fading in the background as I went into self-preservation mode.
Consequences.
Zeke said he understood how his actions had consequences after the night of the accident.
Clearly, he lied.
“It’s just two games. Keep yourself on track and we can discuss your role in the bowl game… whichever one we get. For now, keep your mouths shut until tomorrow’s practice. We’ll address the rest of the team then.”
A single nod to each of us was our only dismissal, and I flew out of the office as soon as he gave it, snagging my duffel bag off the bench and ignoring the stares of the last few players lingering as they watched me storm out of the locker room.
Zeke was hot on my heels, calling out my name every step down the hall.
“Riley, please,” he finally begged, catching my elbow when I pushed out into the cold evening air.
“Please, what?!” I screamed, shoving him hard in the chest. I didn’t fight the tears that came now, didn’t back away when I saw him cringe against the savage way I pinned him with those leaking eyes. “You got me suspended for two games. You nearly got me suspended from the university altogether!” I shook my head, nostrils flaring. “How could you? How could you?!”
“I’m… stupid. I didn’t think—”
“No, you didn’t,” I agreed, already turning and storming toward our dorm.
“I’m sorry, Riley,” he croaked, and the pain in his voice was enough to stop me, to make a chill crawl down the length of my spine as I wished with everything that I was that I could go back in time to that day, that I could reverse my role in this nightmare and never give him my paper.
As much as I hated to admit it… I was at fault here, too.
But I trusted him.
And maybe that was my gravest mistake.
“No, you’re not,” I said after a moment, spinning to look at him again with tears blurring my vision. “The only thing you are, Zeke Collins, is selfish. And you always have been. You were that night with Gavin, when you made a promise to him to be his safe ride home and broke it, when you risked his life knowing you weren’t okay to drive just so you could look like the good friend.” I shook my head. “And you are now, saving your ass and your spot on the team all without regard to how it would impact mine.”
It was too far. It wasn’t even a sound correlation, but the urge to hurt him the way he’d hurt me overpowered logic.
I saw the blood drain out of him the more I spoke, felt the venom as I spat it — but I couldn’t stop. Steel walls snapped up around me, barbed wire winding around the top, and I welcomed the loneliness they brought with them like it was home sweet home.
“I don’t know why I ever thought you could change,” I whispered, the words like bullets.
And I left him without waiting to see if they’d hit their mark.
Zeke
I watched her turn, watched her leave, watched her take my entire world with her as I stood shivering in the cold.
I prayed to go back in time, to pull my head out of my ass that morning I’d made what I didn’t even realize was a fatal mistake. I prayed for God to show mercy on me, to make her stop, to make her listen.
To make her believe me when I swore I didn’t mean to hurt her, that I was sorry, that I would do anything to make it up to her.
I prayed for the chance to make it right, for a light to show me the way to redemption.
I prayed for a miracle.
But every prayer was unanswered, God shaking his head and turning his back on me just as Riley had.
And I couldn’t blame either of them.
I’d broken my word.
I realized in that moment that it didn’t matter if I intended to hurt her — the simple fact was that I had. And maybe that was what I was a fool for most, believing that intention had a goddamn thing to do with anything at all.
