Page 94 of Love on Her Terms

“Give me a chance to finish. Then we can talk about whether or not it’s a good idea.”

He read on. He felt Mina’s claustrophobia and fear in the tight panels of the waiting room in the Planned Parenthood and the shock of sitting in the exam room as the doctor told her she was HIV positive. But what really broke his heart was the look of fear on her face as she stared out the window during the bus ride home.

He spun the chair away from the computer. She was biting her lip. Worse, she was hugging her arms like she needed protection. From him. From the world. He wasn’t sure, and she probably didn’t know, either.

He put a hand on her shoulder. “I know you don’t want me to take care of you, but you don’t have to be alone anymore. I want to be with you. I want to be there for you.”

“I know. I was never really alone, either, even though I had felt so alone at the time. My parents, my brother, Kaitlyn... They all stood by me and made sure the diagnosis didn’t get me off the track of my life.”

He grunted, like his dad always had when being told something that he didn’t want to hear. When she put her hand on top of his, a few of his feelings of being unwanted and unnecessary dissolved.

Her face softened. The muscles under his palm relaxed. She turned her head and kissed where their skin touched. “I woke you up so you could read this, but also because we’re partners in this. And you get a say in whether or not I hit Publish. I can take care of myself, but I’m not alone, and so I don’t have to.”

He squeezed her shoulder, all the fears and doubts and questions melting as sure as the warm sun would melt the frost on the windows. “Is this going to be the end of the story?”

“No. I’m going to do more.” She seemed nervous again, and so he nodded, hoping that he looked encouraging. “I hope to tell a complete story, one that includes us.” She squeezed their hands together and kissed his again before looking back at him. “If you don’t mind, I’m going to write about that in the introduction.”

“Mind? Why would I mind?”

“You don’t know what it will be like when this gets out, especially like this. For all the people who tell me I’m brave, there will be those who troll me on Twitter. And people will find you, too. And Brook.”

“Brook made her bed.”

“But did she know what the bed would look like?”

“I appreciate you giving my sister the benefit of the doubt, but she is living and speaking the fears you are worried about. I’d be more worried about her feelings being reinforced than her feeling attacked.”

Her hand tensed.

“I’ll deal with Brook,” he said, though it probably didn’t reassure either of them. He hadn’t dealt with her well so far. And what his sister needed wasn’t anything he could give her.

“I’m not too worried about her. She’s already done the damage she can do. And I’m doing this so I control when people learn my secret. I control whether it’s a secret or not.”

Levi lifted his hand off her shoulder and put his hands on her waist. “You’re really not mad at me about Brook spreading your medical information?”

“I decided to forgive and forget back when you told me that you’d shared the information with your sister. It seems unfair of me to be re-mad now that I know the consequences. Like I lied when I said I was okay before.”

Her stomach was soft and warm when he pressed his cheek against her. “I love you. I’m not sure what I did to deserve you, but whatever it is, I’d do it again in a heartbeat.”

“You built me a raised garden bed.”

He pulled away from her, so that he could smile up at her. “Is that all?”

“So, should I post it?” The light from her computer monitor gave her face an alien glow, and she looked as tired as he imagined she had to be. She’d been up all night, drawing. He’d watched her draw for a couple of minutes before setting her dinner next to her. Mina wasn’t a sedate artist. She drew like she did everything else in her life, with her entire body.

He loved watching her.

“I appreciate you asking me, but it’s really your decision. I’ll stand by you, no matter what.”

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