Page 38 of Thanksgiving With Dad's Best Friend

I blush to myself. I love the idea of getting hot and heavy with him…and yet something is holding me back today. It’s like I want to protect my body and my heart. Having sex with him brings us a little closer every single time, and I lose another part of myself to him with each time. I’m terrified that if it’s going to end after today that I’ll leave here with even less of myself than I’ve already given up to be with him. I know I have to tread more carefully if I want to protect my heart, but he’s sending me tumbling head over heels in love with him. I know that even if it’s painful, I’ll do anything for him.

We spend a blissful morning eating breakfast and drinking coffee lazily, but it passes far too quickly. By the time we head to the movie theater, it’s already midday. As we sit through the movie, I’m barely concentrating at all. A part of me remains firmly in the moment as we make out in the back row, but part of my mind is counting down the hours before I’ll get in his car and he’ll make me go home. I want to stay with him forever. I want this fantasy to become a full-time reality. Because the second I go, this whole thing will feel distant to me, like a dream I can’t quite remember after I wake up.

“You alright, baby?” Flynn whispers to me in the dark, his hand stroking up my thigh and making me tense up with anticipation. “You seem like you’re somewhere else.”

I sigh. I guess I need to be as honest with him as I can. I don’t want to leave his home without speaking my mind. “I just think we need to talk later…before I go.”

Flynn looks concerned He places a finger under my chin and tilts it up to make me look him in the eyes. “Should I be worried?”

I shake my head with a nervous smile. “No, of course not…I just want to say what’s on my mind.”

Flynn seems to relax a little, and the hand he’s placed on my thigh moves higher, dipping underneath my skirt. “Okay…I bet you can guess exactly what’s on my mind right now.”

I giggle, but I pull away from him. I want him. I always want him, after all. But I don’t want to abandon my willpower. If he finds a way to reassure me later, then he can do what he wants with my body. There are a thousand things I still want to try with him. But right this second, I need to pull back a little, even though my body is desperate to give in to him. I’m desperate for his touch. I’m wet between my legs. And yet, my head is telling me to be careful. If I keep playing with fire, I’m going to come away burned.

The movie finishes and we drive home in silence. I can tell that Flynn is a little anxious about what I’m going to say to him. At least I know he cares about what happens between us, but I still need to know how we’re going to proceed together. I’m not going to spend more time falling in love with him if I can save myself days or months of pain by walking away now. Even though deep down I know I love him, I want to be in control of my own heart and how easily I let him break it.

We head inside the house and to his bedroom. I stare around it, memorizing it. Somehow, it feels like this could be the last time that I’m here. Flynn pats the bed for my sit down next to him and I sit close, memorizing how it feels to feel the heat radiating off him, his smoky smell and the way my heart slams against my ribcage whenever I sit close to him. I’m struggling to control my breathing. He reaches out to cup my face.

“What’s going on with you? Tell me what’s on your mind.”

I sigh. “Flynn…I’m scared. I know I have to go back to college and finish my degree. I know I can’t stay here…but I can’t help worrying about what this means for us. We’ve been inseparable while we’ve been together…but what happens when we’re forced apart? You’ll be back at work soon, and I’ll be busy studying…we’ll be far apart…what if it ruins us? What if it gives you too much time to overthink this and you decide that this isn’t what you want?”

“Lexi.”

“No, I’m serious. This could break us apart…I don’t want to leave here with any doubts. I’m scared of losing you, Flynn. You’re my world…please….I need something to prove to me that I’m talking crazy. I know we’ve talked about how we’ll see each other when we can, but I need to know that I’m not banking my hopes on something that’s never going to work.”

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