His eyes flew open, fury and anguish swirling in them. “At least I’m good at something, I guess,” he snapped before rushing past me, proving he was the best runner around.
I watched him go, thinking I would be at peace knowing that not only had I made the right choice to keep Jameson a secret from him, but that I’d averted another foolish decision based on a man. Yet all I felt was an incredible loss. Like I’d just lost a piece of myself. That maybe I’d just made the biggest mistake of my life in letting him walk away a second time.
It’s not like I had any grand delusions that Drake was going to want to change his life and star in a new role as father and husband. He only played the hero on the big screen. Not that I needed him to rescue me. I was looking for more of a partner in crime. Someone who would take me in his arms at night and tell me I was a good mother, but still see me as a woman. And he would make me feel all the womanly things and show me how beautiful I was in his eyes. Was that too much to ask?
Watching Drake disappear up the refinished spiral staircase, I was going to say yes.
I slid down the wall, until my head landed on my knees, and held on to myself. I sobbed and mourned, even berated myself for allowing any hope to creep in. I’d just thought that him coming to this place, our place, might have meant something. But I was wrong. So very wrong.
Chapter Five
I stared at the Mickey Mouse–shaped blueberry pancakes I had made Jameson for breakfast. I had no idea why I put some on my plate. Habit, I guess. My stomach was twisting and turning and had no desire for food, not even for my beloved morning coffee. That was unfortunate, as I could have really done with some caffeine. I might have been lucky to clock two hours of sleep last night.
Izzy squeezed my knee under the table and gave me a sympathetic smile. She’d saved me from myself last night when she’d heard me bawling in the hall. She made me watch hours of videos I’d made of Jameson over the course of his life. It was a good reminder that my life was good, and Jameson was its shining star. I’d laughed and cried as I’d relived him taking his first steps or saying Mama for the first time. Or when he thought it was a great idea to dump an entire bag of flour on the floor and play in it. To this day there was probably some lingering flour in the crevices of my parents’ kitchen.
I gave Izzy a weak smile and looked past her at the office where we would eventually check guests in and out. It sat across from the large dining hall. We’d gotten accustomed to eating here and cooking in the totally revamped gourmet kitchen off to the side, hidden by the serving window and door. I kept looking for Drake to appear so he could check out. I honestly thought he would have been gone by now—although it was still dark, despite being past seven a.m., and a chilly morning of only fifteen degrees. The long, cold winters were something Izzy and I were trying to adjust to, given our Florida upbringing and my stint in California. Thankfully, the wonderful people and gorgeous mountain scenery helped.
“Mom, are we going to do flash cards?” Jameson interrupted my thoughts.
I’d started doing sight word flash cards with him when he was just three years old. Because of it, he was already a great little reader.
I blinked a few times, trying to formulate a response. “Um . . . of course, baby.” I stood, feeling a bit shaky, and walked toward the buffet table where I’d left the cards yesterday.
On my way over, I heard our “guests” on the stairs. Drake’s deep voice floated in the air. “Meet me in the car,” he instructed Martez. Soon, I heard his purposeful steps coming down the hall. I froze and waited for him to appear. In the meantime, my heart ceased beating and I could no longer breathe.
Within seconds Drake appeared, carrying his designer luggage, looking as dapper as ever in an azure button-down and charcoal slacks. Everything tailored to a T, showing off his amazing physique. But his eyes were just as red and gritty as mine. It appeared I wasn’t the only one not getting much sleep. I’m sure it had been a shock to his system to learn he had fathered a child. I remembered being stunned for days after the pregnancy test had turned out positive.
Drake zeroed in on me.
I leaned against the buffet table for support.