Page 123 of Play Fast (Brooklyn Dawn 2)

But I hadn’t earned that right yet.

“I don’t know any of those terms,” I admitted. “I never studied anything. Never felt I had to. I’d never…there was some rough stuff a couple times in my past, but nothing like that. No one ever reacted like you, and I never reacted quite that way either. You pull something out of me.”

She opened her eyes and surprised me with a tired smile. “Words? You so rarely say so many at one time.”

“I don’t have anything else to give you.”

Her laughter was so weary. “I only wanted you. I didn’t want any of this. Not keys and maps to make me think you actually want me here now. Not signs with paint from the women’s craft store.”

I was never going to live that one down.

She finally glanced around the room before letting out a long sigh. “Definitely not a pink couch.” She walked over to it and sat down, relaxing into it as if she couldn?

??t sit up straight any longer. “At least it’s comfortable. Better than the other one. That was a mess.”

“Thank God.” I didn’t sit beside her on the sofa. Instead, I sat on the purple plush armchair. Which I was beginning to regret. “So, you like neutrals? I think that’s what the guy called them. The boring colors. Brown and gray and tan.”

“This place looks like Willy Wonka’s now.”

Yet another reference I didn’t get. I would really have to start reading more.

Especially about this sub drop and aftercare stuff. I mean, I’d probably heard those terms before somewhere, but they weren’t anything I’d ever thought about.

I’d certainly heard of safe words though, and what we’d done had definitely required one. I’d been so busy trying to drive her away for her own good that I could’ve seriously harmed her, far worse than a few quick spanks on her ass.

Leaning forward, I buried my face in my hands.

She didn’t come over to soothe me. When I finally lifted my head again, she was just watching me from her spot a safe distance away.

“Are you okay?”

After a moment, she nodded. “I’m fine. You might’ve gone about it all wrong, but my biggest regret was that everything was so good.”

“I never wanted to hurt you beyond—”

“Beyond what it would take to make me leave. Yeah, I got that. You just never expected me to like it. To want more.” She leaned forward and it took all my willpower not to let my gaze drop to where her breasts strained against her snug top. “To be willing to let you go forever.”

That killed my interest in her tits. Now I couldn’t drag my focus from her face. “You’re here. You came. You have to listen.” I was on the verge of pleading. Begging if I had to. “I fucked up, Daze. I thought I was doing you a favor. Being honorable.”

She met my gaze head-on. “You broke my heart. Again. I’ve let you do it twice now. I won’t do it a third.”

This time, I was the one who dropped to my knees. She didn’t so much as blink as I walked across the new square-cut white shag rug on my knees until I was before her where she was seated on the couch. I didn’t touch her. Just braced my hands on the sofa on either side of her and hoped like hell I wouldn’t make this worse.

In the end, there was only one thing I could say.

“I love you,” I murmured as tears filled her eyes.

She still didn’t reach for me. Didn’t say anything. Just waited.

“I found a picture of us the other day. My mom kept all those photo albums, you know? I think you helped her with some of them once.”

Silently, she nodded.

“I hadn’t looked at any of them since…well, not since Ker. I shoved them in a box and stuck them in my closet and pretended they didn’t exist. Opening them again hurt so fucking bad. It hurt to see them. To miss them. But I didn’t expect for it to feel good too. Like I was getting them back in some small way. I could see their smiles and their laughter and it was so much more tangible than my memories.” I squeezed my eyes shut and prayed I didn’t embarrass myself. “I can’t hear her voice as well anymore in my head. I’m so scared I’m going to lose it. That then she’ll be gone forever.”

“Whose?” Daisy asked quietly. “Kerry’s or your mom’s?”

“My mom’s especially. Kerry’s I still hear, but only as screams when I sleep. The rest is all fuzzy.” Admitting it made my throat ache. It seemed like another way I’d failed them. Who forgot what their own mother and sister sounded like?

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