Page 113 of Play Dirty (Brooklyn Dawn 1)

“You don’t know? You fucking tell me everything. Well, you used to.” She crossed her arms over her middle.

I reached for her again and tucked my fingers into the crease of her leather jacket where she was hugging herself so tightly. Tears pricked at my eyes. “It wasn’t intentional. I was just—”

“What?” Her dark eyes were stark and red-rimmed. Dry as a bone, but the red showed just how close she was to a burn. Jamie in the middle of a rage wasn’t good. It was her default setting for anger and hurt.

The truth of it bubbled up out of me. “Ashamed.”

“What?” It was as if I’d tossed water on her head. “Why the hell would you be ashamed to tell me? I have one-night stands all the fucking time.”

“Yeah, well, I don’t.” Some days, I wished I was as free with sex and embracing my fiery side as she was. “Least of all in a seedy bar with a sticky floor, for fuck’s sake.”

Her jaw dropped. “Seriously?”

I shoved the memories to the back of my brain. It was hard to have my most epic sexual experience attached to such a pivotal moment in my life. It never went away no matter what I did. Even when I wanted to let that first night with Nash fade into the past, it never seemed to since it was so fully entrenched with our first huge show. “Yeah. A few years ago, in the city. Right before our first MSG show.”

“Years?” The flame of her anger reignited like a roman candle.

“I know, I know. It wasn’t planned. And I got all screwed up about it. It was—God, Jamie. It was huge and awful and amazing and…fuck.” Though tears bubbled up, I tried to rebuild my defenses. Using tears wasn’t fair, but shit.

Jamie loosened her arms and caught my hand. “Don’t do that. You know if you cry, then I’ll fucking cry and badass rockstars can’t have red eyes for a fucking interview.”

“Right.” Nodding, I tipped back my head before the tears could overflow and kill my makeup.

“Are you in love with this idiot?”

“Why would you ask that?”

“Because you’re obviously messed up about him. You don’t get messed up about dudes. Then again, a good orgasm probably could do it. Fucking cherry tree grew like a thorny rose bush in your bush.”

The laugh rolled out of me, dissolving some of the guilt. Not all of it, but a good bit. “The sex is phenomenal.”

“You needed a good dicking, but don’t get it confused with love. At least not right away. You’re too tenderhearted for an asshole.”

Only Jamie would call me tenderhearted. Truthfully, she was probably the only one who saw me that way. I cultivated the badass boss and negotiator role for our band, but it was tiring to be on all the time. I trusted Jamie to have my back when I needed to step aside and figure shit out.

“I don’t know if I need good fucking that much. It’s too fast, too big, too twisty. He’s…” Talking about his private things was off-limits, even to my hetero-lifemate. I hadn’t exactly asked him what I could share, but I knew. I could feel it in my bones. Just as I knew there was way more to his history. But I really didn’t have the right to that part of him yet. We were still so fucking new.

Even if each time he touched me, it seemed like more than sex. More than just lust, even if he wanted to label it as such. Whether that was my own lens or just the overwhelming story of us was to be determined.

Too bad I was not a patient woman.

“Yeah, a good dicking is definitely screwing with your head. It was bound to happen. You can’t go without for ages like you do. It’s not natural.”

“I’ve certainly been making up for it.”

“So, that means he knows what he’s doing. Not surprising. He’s got that prowling panther thing going on. Could be the Irish.”

“The Irish helps.” I really didn’t want to own up to the fact that his accent was probably half of the insta-lust that had perpetuated my initial fixation. Now it was just a part of him. His touch left me burning. The fire between us pushed everything else away, and there was nothing in my life before or since that had been able to do that. Especially no man.

“That look on your face.” She sighed. “Fuck.”

“Fair bit of that.”

She snorted. “I’ll just bet. Just tell me one thing.”

I gnawed on my lower lip. “Shoot.”

“He’s swinging a big dick, right?”

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