Page 71 of Big Booty

“Girl, what he do now?” Miss Pasha asks.

She sighs. “This damn boy posted up on his wall: where them—spelled d-e-m—hoes at. I told him to take it down.”

That classic “Where Da Hoes At?” by Snoop Dogg starts playin’ in my head. Oooh, I used to wanna smoke a blunt with that niggah, then ride down on his dingaling. “ . . . She be lickin’ my dick . . . because bitches ain’t shit but hoes and tricks . . . they lick on the nuts and they suck a dick . . . Fuck a bitch, suck a dick . . .” Yes, goddammit! I feel like poppin’ my fingers, and droppin’ it. That used to be my shit!

“Oh, no, girl,” Miss Pasha says, cuttin’ into the mini concert I was about to have in my head. “I don’t blame you. I woulda told his fresh behind the same thing. These kids today are outta hand.”

Miss Mona grunts. “Mmmph. Tell me about it. But I stay on Mario’s butt. I’m not raisin’ him to be disrespectful to women. I don’t give a damn if Avery doesn’t see anything wrong with some of the mess he says and does. I do.”

“I heard that.”

I shift my handbag from one arm to the other. “Well, Miss Mona, I hope Mario ain’t still getting’ his dingaling sucked down inside girls’s bathrooms.”

“Ugh, please. Don’t even remind me. I’ve tried to block that horrible experience out of my head.”

I chuckle. “Chile, I heard Clitina was suckin’ his dingaling like a pornstar. She had his knees buckin’ and everything, girl. Oh, that lil’ whore was tryna turn him out, boo.”

She scrunches her face up. “Ugh, do you mind? I really don’t need to hear this right now. But I was wondering who the lil’ tramp was down on her knees since the school wouldn’t say and neither would Mario.”

“Mmmph. If he knows like I know he’ll keep his dingdong in his pants ’cause that lil’ ho is suckin’ for Jeezus, chile. She gobblin’ up nuts for the Cum Gawds, boo. I ain’t tryna sling no mud on her, but if he’s still lettin’ her sop him up in school, I hope he’s double wrappin’ it. Then again, he better use two condoms and Saran Wrap.”

Miss Mona frowns. “Girl, I can’t. I’m not even tryna go there. I already told him to keep that dick in his pants. But you know like I do, once you get a taste you end up wanting more.”

“Uh-huh,” Miss Pasha agrees. “And doing more to get it.”

“Yes, Lawd,” I say, pullin’ out my cell as it rings. It’s Buddha. “Sex is good. Thank you, Fahver. I stretch my hands out to Thee for blessin’ us with good sex.” I throw a hand up. “Oooh, excuse me one minute. Miss Pasha, I’ma take this call and head on upstairs to get my hands and feet did. Hello?”

“What’s good, Miss Simms? I got that info you wanted.”

I grin. “Oh, good, boo. Now what’s with all this Miss Simms shit? You done been all up in my pussy and done tongued all through my ass. Ain’t no need to be formal with me, boo.”

“I feel you, ma. It’s outta respect, though, feel me? Plus, I still ain’t comfortable wit’ gettin’ it in wit’ . . . ”

I suck my teeth. “Niggah, stop worryin’ about Jah. He ain’t gonna find out. Besides, I done told you don’t no niggah run this pussy. I do what I want with it.”

“I hear you, ma. It’s just that I ain’t beat for no beefs, you feel me?”

I take a seat in one of the open massage chairs and wait for Miss Anna to get these feet right. “Yeah, I feel you, boo. And I’d love to feel that dingaling, again, too.”

“Yo, that’s wassup. I wanna give it to you, too; word. When you free?”

I glance at my watch. It’s already after eleven-thirty. I’ma be cuttin’ it real close today, so I ain’t gonna be able to fuck him like I want. And Buddha’s the kinda niggah I wanna give it to real good. I tell him tomorrow mornin’.

“Aiight, bet. Same spot?”

“Uh-huh,” I say, lickin’ my lips. “And you better do me right, boo.”

He laughs. “I got you, ma.” We disconnect as Anna comes over to me. “Hey, Cass. You wanna full pedi?”

“Give me the works, boo.” I reach for a glass of champagne bein’ carried on a tray by a tall, shiny buffed, bare-chested chocolate-drop niggah. Oooh, Miss Pasha knows how to do it up. I grab a strawberry. Take a bite into

it, then sip my bubbly. Now this is how a bitch ’posed to serve it. I lay my head back.

Oooh, Buddha’s gonna get fucked down real good. Yes, Lawd! Big Booty gonna tear that dingaling up, goddammit!

Twenty-Three

I hate goddamn courts, courtrooms, judges and motherfuckin’ prosecutors—well, except for the three that I’ve fucked down real good. But that’s another story for another time—and right now I am not diggin’ this arbitration bitch one goddamn bit, talkin’ down to me like I ain’t shit. Miss Bitch is sittin’ here on the other side of the table, lookin’ all googly-eyed at Julius’s ass ’cause he’s tall and fine and chiseled and a motherfuckin’ police officer. The niggah’s played real dirty, too, comin’ up in here in his uniform, lookin’ goddamn delicious! But, right now, I hate his ass, too, goddammit! However, I’m keepin’ it real classy in my slate gray wrap dress that dips just right in the front to let ’em see my titties pop without screamin’ slutty. It grazes my knees just so to let these bitches see my smooth, shapely stockin’-less legs, and clings to my ass, lettin’ all the big booty bounce, baby. I even pulled out some of my good jewels—three-carat tennis bracelet, two-carat studs, a diamond choker, and the two-carat engagement ring Julius gave me when the niggah thought I wanted to be wifed up. I have my Birkin bag tossed up on the table to let this bitch know she ain’t dealin’ with no ghetto trash bitch.

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