I sit back in my chair and stare at the words on my screen.
I read through the pages and pages of declarations I’ve made. It’s the best writing I’ve produced in a long time. Maybe ever. I laugh bitterly to myself. It only took falling in unrequited love for me to write something good. What a joke. But I guess I found my muse, maybe this whole thing will get me a good grade in college. Someday I might manage to move on with my life, find another, lesser man, and settle down.
Maybe I’ll get married and have kids like I always wanted. But it won’t be as good as I wanted it to be. Because if it’s not with Will, then it’s barely even worth it. He’s my first and only love. I’ll never truly move on from this.
Now I truly know the meaning of the phrase love is pain…
Chapter Four
Will
I lay on the couch, cuddling Maisie close, thinking of Elle. Thinking of the fact that she’s alone next door. The fact that she could’ve stayed and no one would’ve had to know. We could have made memories here. We could have given in to these secret desires. We could’ve both found something I’m sure she’s searching for as much as I am. A release, a human connection, a lust-filled night. I swallow, trying not to think about it. I’ve been rock hard ever since she left and I don’t think that’s about to change any time soon. She’s always going to be on my mind. I know that now. There’s no escaping the way she’s made me feel.
She’s awoken my heart.
I don’t know what was worse being alone all those years or being alone in this very moment, knowing the woman of my dreams is just within reach. I want to go over there right now. I want to sweep her into my arms and kiss her. I want to strip every piece of clothing from her curvaceous body and explore every inch of her skin. I want to be with her in every way possible. I want to be inside her, plowing hard into her hot pussy, spilling my seed deep in her.
And after that, I want it again. Over and over. I never want to leave her side. I want to put a baby inside her and live a life together. I know this isn't just some kind of crazy fantasy. This is real. This is how it’s meant to be. I just have to find a way to make it happen.
But she’s the one who walked away, not me. She’s the one who cut the connection short. If she doesn’t want this, then what’s the point? If it was so easy for her to leave me behind, then there’s no chance she feels the way that I do. I guess that’s impossible anyway because I’m consumed by this feeling. I’ve thought of nothing else, no one else.
Perhaps she can never understand. I’ve spent a lifetime yearning for this, waiting for it to come along. She’s young, practically still controlled by her hormones. She’s probably crushed on a million guys, maybe even slept with some of them. I clench my fists at my sides, just thinking about her with another man, making Maisie jolt nervously.
“Sorry,” I whisper to Maisie, but the anger inside me remains.
The thought of Elle with anyone other than me, it’s too much to bear. It makes me want to tear apart any man who has touched her before me. She’s mine. Even before I knew her, my claim was there. Because I know somehow that this thing with her, it’s meant to be. Even if it sounds crazy, even if it is in practice…I need her. I can’t live without her. I have to find a way to get her back here, to make her realize her own feelings.
Can she ever feel as strongly as I do, though? What if she doesn’t want to settle down? I don’t know many twenty-one year olds who are ready for a lifelong relationship, and I won’t settle for anything less. Not a one-night stand, not a short relationship that burns out like the wick of a candle. No, she has to be mine forever. Nothing else will do. But how can I convince her that she wants it too if she’s already walked out of my life?
I close my eyes and listen hard, hoping to hear some indication of what she’s doing next door. Maybe she’s in bed for the night now. Or she’s slowly undressing, ready to settle down for the evening. I growl under my breath. I guess Maisie has finally had enough of my grumpy mood because she gets up and runs off to her bed. I’m freaking her out, and myself too. These feelings are so sudden and so strong. I’ve never felt this way before. Now, I’m consumed by my primal instincts, these animalistic desires that have been buried in me for so long. Now, there’s no caging this beast again. I’m a man who knows what he wants and I have to get it.